07
May 10

Chapter Five: Shoplifting the Poochie

It took nearly two hours to get Caroline’s car out of the impound lot.

“Two hundred dollars?  Are you kidding me?” Caroline exclaimed when the lot supervisor told her what it would cost.  “That’s outrageous.”

He grinned toothlessly at her.   “Well, that’s how much it is.  Cash or check.  No cards.”

“How about American Express?”

“I said no cards.”

I panicked, because I doubted that Caroline had her checkbook with her.  She was so thrifty, I was certain she didn’t have that kind of money in cash.  I caught her arm and pulled her aside.

“I’ve got about fifty bucks on me, and that’s it,” I said in a low voice.

“Relax, I have some checks in my purse,” she said as she held it up.  “That is so not the point.”

“Yes, I know that,” I told her, but she wasn’t listening.  She was already back at the counter with the supervisor, who was using a paperclip to try and pick something out of his teeth.

“How about I give you fifty dollars?” she asked him.  “My last parking ticket was thirty, I’ll throw in another twenty for good measure.”

He took the paperclip out of his mouth and laughed right in her face.  “The amount isn’t negotiable, Red.  It’ll cost you two hundred dollars, cash or check.  No cards.”

She kept arguing with him.  I stood by her side to be supportive, but after a little while I realized haggling wasn’t going to be effective.  Not only that, but the longer her car sat on the lot, the more it would cost to get it out.  I tried to gently talk Caroline into just paying the money so we could cut our losses and get the hell out of there, but my efforts were completely fruitless.  In typical Caroline fashion, she couldn’t accept defeat and kept blasting away at the guy.  He didn’t care.

“I need some fresh air,” I told her after a while.  The shack the supervisor called his office smelled like coffee and stale cheese and I was starting to get lightheaded from the stench.  I leaned against the wall outside and listened to their bickering as car after car was towed into the lot.  I wondered who was getting rich off of all these people with poor parking judgment.  By the state of things inside the office, I began to question if the guy in there was seeing any money at all.  Eventually, Caroline joined me looking particularly sour and we followed the guy as he smugly showed us where her car was parked.  He helped us navigate out of the lot and we had a very quiet car ride home.

The next morning, we dragged ourselves out of bed at around nine to go on our weekly hike at Runyon Canyon.  It was a 160 acre public park nestled right in the middle of the Hollywood Hills.  The previous Sunday had been the first time we had hiked Runyon together, Caroline had started going by herself a few weeks before that.  That first Sunday started with Caroline letting herself into my room and shaking me awake.

“Get up, we’re going hiking!” she exclaimed with way too much enthusiasm for eight a.m. on a Sunday morning.  I groaned and rolled over on my air mattress.  I had been in Los Angeles for less than forty-eight hours and the last thing I wanted to do was go hiking, especially after the late night we’d had the night before.  We went to a bar in West Hollywood with a couple of Caroline’s friends from USC and hadn’t gotten back until after three.

“Why do we have to go now?” I mumbled into my pillow.

“Because, if we go later, we won’t get a good parking space,” she answered simply.

“That doesn’t sound like a good enough reason to me,” I said.

“Quit whining.  I’ll buy you a Jamba Juice on the way home, how’s that?”

This perked me up a little bit.  I did enjoy Jamba Juice.  Caroline left my room, satisfied that her work was done.  I threw on some gym clothes.  When I emerged from my room, Caroline took one look at my attire and shook her head.

“Oh no.  I don’t think so.  Don’t you have anything a little cuter than that?” she asked.

I looked down at my tee shirt and shorts.  The tee was one of my favorites, I got it from Banana Republic when I was in middle school.  It was old and a worn looking, but in a cool vintage kind of way.  The shorts were a pair of Umbros I’d found at T.J. Maxx when I was home last Christmas.

“What is wrong with this outfit?” I asked defensively.  “We’re going hiking and we’ll be sweating.  Who’s going to care what I look like?”

I paused and studied Caroline’s ensemble.  She was wearing a pair of stretchy black Capri pants and a fitted sea green tank top.  The tank had black piping around the hem and collar.  Her sneakers were only slightly worn and her socks were so low you could barely tell she was wearing any.

Caroline sighed.  “Trust me.  In Los Angeles, what you wear when you exercise is just as important as what you wear when you go to work or out to a bar.  Especially if you’re a woman.”

“That’s dumb,” I stated.

“We need to find a better top at least,” she said, ignoring my mood.  She went into my room and started to dig through my suitcases.  I hadn’t unpacked much yet.  I was waiting for the dresser I had ordered the week before to arrive from Ikea.

Caroline didn’t like anything I had.  She rooted around in her own closet and found another tank top similar to the one she was wearing, only it was red and had white piping around the edges.

“This one is a little big for me, so it might fit you,” she said as she handed it to me.  I doubted it.  Caroline was a full head shorter than me and had a more slender figure.  I begrudgingly tried it on.  It was just barely long enough and felt very snug across my chest.

“It’s tight, but you can pull it off,” she said when I stepped out into the living room for her to see.

I tugged on it.  I didn’t have a problem wearing fitted clothing, just not when I was exercising.  It felt too constricting and I got claustrophobic.  But it seemed I didn’t have much of a choice.  Once we got to Runyon I realized that Caroline was right, most of the women there were in well coordinated outfits similar to what she was wearing.

“What did I tell you?” she said on the ride home.

I slurped my Jamba Juice.  “Whatever,” I grumbled.  “I still think my Banana Republic tee shirt would’ve been just fine.”

I reluctantly went over to the mall’s Lady Footlocker during a lunch break that week and bought a few overpriced items to hike in.  Unless you’re an Olympic or professional athlete and sweating many hours a day, spending seventy dollars on a single exercise outfit seemed pretty ridiculous to me.  I didn’t care how “moisture wicking” the fabric was.

This Sunday morning I wore one of my new ensembles, a royal blue tee with basic black knit shorts that had an inseam as long a mini Tootsie Roll.  There was a blue stripe along each outer seam to really bring the outfit together.  When I walked into the kitchen to grab a quick bite before heading out, Caroline smiled her approval as she chewed on a Luna Bar.

“Very nice,” she said.

“For the record, I still think this is dumb,” I told her.

“I don’t care.  You look great,” she said happily.  She stuffed the last of the bar in her mouth.  “We need to get going.  You ready?”

“Yep,” I said and grabbed my own Luna bar from the cabinet.  “I’ll eat on the way.”

We arrived at Runyon at around ten.  There isn’t a parking lot, so we had to find street parking.  We drove around for quite some time before we finally found a space.

“Remember our mission today,” Caroline said to me as she parked.

“How could I forget?” I replied.

Our mission that Sunday was the same as it was every Sunday.  It started a few weeks ago when Caroline read an article in the Los Angeles Times about Runyon’s reputation for being a great place to spot celebrities.  Since the park was so accessible to all the rich and famous people who live in the Hollywood Hills, naturally many of could be seen there.  They interviewed a woman named Sylvie Crane, an independent film producer who lived close to the park.  According to the article, she hiked Runyon quite frequently with her Weimaraners, Dublin and Carlow.  She was quoted as saying that she sees celebrities there on a regular basis and even referred to some of them as friends.  But she wouldn’t say who.  Caroline thought Sylvie would be a great contact for us to have and wanted to “accidentally” run into her at Runyon and use her dogs to break the ice.

“Everyone loves their dogs being fawned over, it’s perfect,” she said to me when she was first describing this plan.

Unfortunately for us, the article didn’t include a photo of Sylvie.  Caroline tried Googling her name and several articles did come up about her, but not a single picture.

“I guess we’ll have to be on the lookout for her dogs,” I suggested.  “Those silvery coats are quite eye catching.”

“Exactly,” Caroline said.  “And how many people have two of those dogs, anyway?  We’ll be fine.”

Once Caroline made absolutely certain she had found a real parking space, we got out of the car armed with the necessary accoutrements – sunglasses, a water bottle and an iPod shuffle.  Caroline put on a visor.  The shuffles were merely for show, we put them in our ears so it looked like we were off in our own worlds and not paying attention to those around us.   According to Caroline, if we did run into any celebrities (or attractive men, for that matter), it would put them at ease knowing we were distracted by our music.  If we did happen to physically bump into them, there was no way we could have done it on purpose.

We walked through the North Fuller Street entrance.  It was a small unassuming door in a fence, one of two ways to access the park from the southern side and brought us right into the valley of Runyon.  From there, we had a few choices of where to go, but all involved steep inclines as each path snaked their own way to the two ridges above us.

Last Sunday, Caroline was eager to dispense all the knowledge she had about the people of Runyon.

“The people who work out here can be divided into various groups,” Caroline informed me as I struggled to keep up with her pace.   “First, there are the actors and various other performers in the field of entertainment.  Most of these people are B-listers or below.  Occasionally you can spot an A-list celebrity under a visor and sunglasses if you are looking hard enough.”

“Have you seen any A-listers?” I panted.

“I think I saw Courteney Cox once.  But she was wearing a hat and sunglasses and it was hard to tell if it was her.”  Caroline finished talking as a very attractive shirtless man jogged by us.  He looked vaguely familiar and I knew I had seen him on TV or in a movie, but I couldn’t place him.  “Men and women alike from this group are not afraid to show off their bodies, since they work so hard to maintain them.  Many go shirtless,” she continued as we both watched him jog away.   “Women wear sports bras, of course.  Still, there’s nice eye candy here for everyone.”

“Indeed,” I said.

We continued up the path.

“This group ahead of us, they’re a good example of those who are in entertainment, but in a capacity other than performing,” she said.  She was pointing to a group of girls about our age that were coming down the hill towards us.  They were all skinny, tan and pretty, but not gorgeous.  “Some are producers, directors, animal trainers, whatever.  But many are like these girls, young aspiring industry people who’ve moved out here with all their hopes, dreams, and their parents’ money to find themselves working at a Starbucks or a Gap store.”

We made brief eye contact with the girl posse as we passed them.

“Not unlike ourselves,” I said.

Caroline stopped walking and shook her head vehemently at me.  “No, there is a big difference.  We are not like them.  Well,” she paused for a moment.  “We aren’t like most of them anyway.”

“Why not?” I asked.

“Because we are chasing a dream, and we are doing it with integrity,” she declared, waving her fist through the air.  “We aren’t living off of our parents’ money and we aren’t relying on our looks and sexual prowess to get us to our goal.  We have a plan and it will work.  Pretty soon we’ll surpass all those wannabes to the top of this business.  And we’ll have done it without having to sleep anyone.”

I nodded in agreement and Caroline started walking again.  I followed her and pondered what she said.  “Still,” I said after a few minutes, “A little flirting never hurt anybody.”

“Of course not,” she answered.  “We have to play the girl card sometimes, that’s just good strategy.”

“Of course.”

“The third and last group of park-goers consists of those who aren’t in the business at all,” Caroline said later as we were scaling down a very treacherous section of trail.  Most of the paths we had hiked thus far had been flat and fairly wide.  But as we made our way back down into the valley, the path got extremely steep and narrow.  The loose desert earth made a slippery surface over the gnarly rock and I was using my hands to help get me down without scraping myself up.

“Oh yeah?” I managed to say.

“Yep.  Some are exercise fanatics, some aren’t.  But the one thing they all have in common is they take celebrity spotting very seriously.  Sometimes they can be identified by the cameras they wear around their necks.  That’s usually a dead giveaway.”

“I see.  So I shouldn’t take my camera next time?” I asked.

“Not if you’re going to wear it around your neck and look like a tourist,” she replied.  We finally found our way back to even ground.

“There is one universal truth among all those who come here,” Caroline said.

“What’s that?” I asked.

“Everyone comes to see people but also be seen.  You may not know it, but you’re being checked out by everyone you pass, just like you’re checking out all of them.  No matter who you are, if you just wanted to exercise, you would’ve found someplace else to go.”

“I did know that, actually.  The being checked out thing,” I said.  “It’s a little hard not to notice.”

As we were exiting the park, Caroline pointed to an older couple that was entering.  Each had a camera around their necks.

“See?  Tourists.  Third group,” she said.

This Sunday, Runyon was a madhouse.  The place was much more crowded than it had been last week, and not just with people.  Since this was one of the very few public places in Los Angeles you could bring your dog and it could go off leash, the park was usually crowded with dogs too.  Today, it was teeming with them.

“Oh my,” Caroline said as we navigated our way up the trail and deeper into the park.  A pack of small dogs bulldozed over a Golden Retriever in their frenzy for some kind of chew toy they were all trying to get a piece of.  They almost took us out in the process.

“It must be one of those toys with food in the middle,” Caroline mused.

“Whatever,” I grumbled.  I looked around for the owners of these dogs, but there were so many people around that it was hard to tell who was responsible for them.

I wasn’t really a dog person, but I did like going to Runyon and watching them all play with each other.  It never ceased to amaze me how many different kinds there were and how diverse they all looked.  Whether they were large or small, had long coats or short, were purebreds or mutts, all of them were at Runyon having the time of their lives.

“All right,” said Caroline as we continued through the throngs of dogs and people, “Let’s keep our eyes and ears open for Sylvie Crane and her silver dogs.”  We put our earphones in and set off up the trail.  As we climbed higher and further into the park, the traffic thinned out a little bit and we could walk at a more aerobic pace.

“We should get a dog,” remarked Caroline as we passed a guy jogging shirtless with his black lab.

I turned away from the man candy and looked at her skeptically.  “Are you serious?”

“Los Angeles is a very dog-friendly city, we could make a lot of friends that way.  They are a great conversation starter.  Could be good for our social and professional lives.”

“We aren’t home all day,” I said.  “Isn’t that kind of cruel to do to an animal?  Keep it locked up alone in an apartment for hours at a time?”

“Maybe Solomon would let us bring it to work,” Caroline said.  “He sometimes brings his dog.”

“That’s because he’s the boss,” I reminded her.  I didn’t like the way this conversation was going.  Caroline and I had only shared one pet, a Salamander we caught in the creek behind my house when we were twelve.  We decided with no real knowledge or research that it was a boy and we named it Sammy, though that was the only thing we managed to agree on.  We fought about everything else – who was going to keep him at her house when, what to feed him, how to decorate his tank.  He eventually died of unknown causes, probably from trying to escape because he couldn’t stand listening to us squabble over him.  Poor Sammy.  May he rest in peace.

“I don’t know if we can afford a dog right now.  Besides, isn’t our building pet-free?”

“Oh yeah,” said Caroline disappointedly.  “I suppose you’re right.”

Several minutes later we reached Inspiration Point, a big elbow in the trail that led up to the eastern ridge.  Caroline and I gulped some water and took in the spectacular view of Los Angeles.  After a few moments, Caroline put down her water bottle and unzipped a little pouch that was velcroed around her arm.  I thought nothing of it when we got out of the car and she initially strapped it to her forearm.  It looked like something you’d carry a small camera, or cash and a credit card in.  But she didn’t pull anything like that out.  Instead, she produced a small pair of binoculars.

“Where did you get those?” I asked.

“Online,” she said simply.

“Yeah, what site?  Stalkers dot com?”

“It was a site that sold surveillance equipment,” she replied.  “I thought they’d come in handy.”

“Yeah, I’m sure they’d be handy for a lot of people,” I said.  “They’re not as cumbersome to have hanging around your neck when you’re sitting in the bushes outside Kim Kardashian’s house.”

Caroline wasn’t listening to me, she was too busy scanning the paths below us.  I leaned over the edge to see if I could spot what Caroline was looking at.  But I started to feel dizzy and quickly stepped back.  I wasn’t too crazy about heights.

“Anything?” I asked after a moment.

“No,” said Caroline.  “Let’s keep going.”

She put her little binoculars back in the pouch and we continued on our way.  The next section of trail led up to the ridge and was incredibly steep.  There were huge rectangular pieces of wood that acted as both giant steps and erosion deterrent.  We climbed up them steadily as joggers whizzed recklessly downhill past us.  When we got to the top of the ridge, we were both drenched in sweat.

“I need a second,” I panted.  “That section kills me every time.”

Caroline pointed to some benches ahead of us.  “Well, let’s go over there and you can sit down for a moment.”  We walked over, I eagerly sat down and swigged my water.  Caroline took a couple of sips of her own water, then brought her binoculars back out and began to scour the trails again.  I looked around.  This was quickly becoming my favorite spot in Los Angeles.  You could see the entire city from where we were and it felt like we were sitting on top of the world.

I took a deep breath, basking in the sun.  The day was hot but dry and the air was the clearest I had experienced since being in LA.  Suddenly out of nowhere, the moment was interrupted by something wet poking me in the ear.  It took me by such surprise that I went into full body spasm and flailed onto the ground.

“Are you having a seizure?” Caroline asked me without taking her eyes away from her binoculars.

“What the hell?” I shouted.  I took a bit of my shirt and wiped out the wetness, looking around for the source of the molestation.   Standing right next to me was a chocolate Labrador wagging its tail. It was staring at me like putting its nose in my ear was reason for praise and maybe even a pat on the head.

“Oh, Henry,” a woman said as she approached us.  “That’s not very nice.”   If that was supposed to be a reprimand, it was not even half-hearted.  I’ve seen children scold their stuffed animals with more bite.  “I’m sorry about that,” she said to me.  But she didn’t sound sorry at all.  She didn’t even wait for me to accept her apology.  “Come on Henry, let’s go,” she called and she slapped her bony thigh.  Henry scampered off while I got up from the ground and tried in vain to brush the dirt off me.

“Can you believe that?” I retorted.

“Mmm,” Caroline answered.  She was still looking through her binoculars, though with particularly keen interest.

“What are you looking at?  You find her?” I asked, suddenly excited about the possibility.

“No, but I think I see one of the cast members from Entourage,” she said.

“Come on then,” I said.  “Let’s keep walking.”

“You’re good?”

“Yes, I’m good.  Let’s go.”

“I can’t believe these people and their dogs,” I said.

“I know, some of them are obnoxious.  At least most of the time they are so excited to be outside running free and in the company of other dogs that they really don’t bother people.”

“At least intentionally.  Do you remember that jogger we saw last week?  That Newfoundland knocked into him by accident and sent him head over heels, right on his ass,” I reminded her.

“Oh yeah.  Well, it’s hard to blame them for things like that,” she said.

“I know,” I answered.

“What’s more detestable is watching the owners take no responsibility whatsoever when their dogs behave badly.  At least the owner of that Newfoundland was legitimately horrified,” she said.

“True,” I responded.  “I just don’t like the mentality of using the fact that your dog isn’t on leash as an excuse to absolve yourself of any responsibility, that’s all.  That really infuriates me.”

“Hey, I’m with you,” said Caroline.  “It does make a great case for needing dogs on leashes.  And children for that matter.  People who keep their kids on leashes get a lot of crap for it.  But you know, maybe there would be less kids running around malls screaming if they were attached to their parent.”

“Definitely harder for them to be ignored by their parents that way,” I said.

We got to a fork in the path.

“Let’s walk towards the Mullholland entrance, I think that if Sylvie lives in the hills, she’d come from that direction,” said Caroline.  I nodded, silently thankful.  The path there was mostly flat and my quads were still shouting at me from the climb we had done, so I was looking forward to walking on flat ground for a little while.  We got to the Mullholland entrance without seeing Sylvie, and were about to turn around at the gate when a four-legged silver-haired bullet rushed past us, blazing into the park.  Both of us stopped dead as we watched our first Weimaraner of the day slow down and sniff the ground, then pick up a short fat stick.  It wrestled with it, rolling around in the dirt.

“Do you think-“ I started.

“Very possible,” answered Caroline.  We looked around, trying to act casual.

“Look,” I said hoarsely as I spotted another one.  I pointed out of the park towards Mullholland.  Dancing around a woman was a second Weimaraner, its coat a little lighter than the first one.  It was trying to get the woman’s attention, but she was on the phone and in no mood.  It eventually grew bored with her and ran past us into the park to join the first one.  The first ditched its stick to play fight with the second for a few moments before it picked up its stick again and pranced around with it.

“That’s her, right?” I asked studying the woman.  “Don’t you think that’s her?”

“Has to be,” replied Caroline.

We stood staring at her like we were on a safari observing an animal in its natural habitat.

“What do we do?” Caroline asked.  I shrugged.  She was on the phone and looked like she was having an intense conversation.  She wasn’t talking loudly enough for us to hear what she was saying, but she was hand gesturing quite profusely and almost whacked a passerby in the head.  He gave her a dirty look.  She was so wrapped up in her phone call that she didn’t even notice.  The dogs scampered over to her looked at her intently, like they wanted her to get off the phone so they could go for their walk.  After a few minutes, they got bored and ran off again.  The first one still had the stick in his mouth.

“I don’t know, Caroline,” I said slowly.  “She’s not going to be in the mood to shoot the breeze with two perfect strangers after this phone call.”

“I know,” she murmured back.  “This doesn’t help us at all.”

After a couple of minutes, the woman we assumed was Sylvie hung up the phone and tucked it into a small backpack she was wearing.

“Carlow!  Dublin!  Come on!” she barked.  The dogs immediately stopped what they were doing, which was gnawing on a clump of dried weeds just outside the park entrance.  They ran over and followed her as she power-walked into the park, passing right by us.

“We should follow her,” Caroline said.  “Come on.”

Sylvie was in really great shape.  She wasn’t running, but she might as well have.  We were practically jogging to keep up with her pace.  The dogs kept up with her without any problems.  She headed towards the western ridge and we followed her from a safe distance.  Every now and then we would stop to “adjust our earphones” or grab a drink of water or something ridiculous like that.

“Just in case, it’s to throw her off,” said Caroline.

“I really don’t think she has any clue.  And now we really have to jog to catch up,” I pointed out.

We followed her until the path widened out into a small sandy lot with a few dry-looking bushes.  The path continued down into the valley, but it was too steep for her dogs and Sylvie was probably planning on turning around eventually.  She took off her backpack and pulled out a collapsible plastic bowl and bottle of water.  With the dogs dancing around her excitedly, she poured a liberal amount of water into the bowl.  The dogs immediately started lapping it up.

“This is it,” Caroline said to me.  “Let’s go.”

She took a step forward and I caught her arm.  “Wait a second,” I said.  I was getting a bad feeling about this whole idea.  “What’s your plan?” I asked.

“Just play along with whatever I say,” she said.

“So, basically what we always do,”

“Exactly.”

“We really have to sell this, Caroline,” I said seriously.

She looked at me, just as serious.  “I know.  That’s why I need you with me.  Are you with me?”

“Of course.”

“Okay, great!  So let’s go.”  We went over.

“Excuse me,” Caroline said sweetly to Sylvie.  “Are these your dogs?”

Sylvie was in the middle of taking a sip of water.  She studied us both with her sharp brown eyes as she brought the bottle away from her face.   She was a petite woman, just a bit shorter than Caroline and looked like she was in her early fifties.

“Yes,” she said finally.

“They’re beautiful,” said Caroline, admiring them like she was looking at fine pieces of jewelry.

“Thank you,” said Sylvie, letting her guard down a fraction of an inch.

“They remind me of my dog Shadow,” Caroline said with touch of nostalgia.  “May we pet them?”

“Sure,” said Sylvie.

Caroline knelt down to pet the dogs.  I followed her lead.  The dogs abandoned their water and jumped around, basking in the attention we were giving them.  One of them tried to lick my ear, but because of my experience with the lab earlier, I was more alert and managed to dodge it just in time.  I gave Sylvie a quick glance to see if she had seen it happen.  She made no indication that she had.

“You had a Weimaraner?” Sylvie asked Caroline.

“Oh yeah,” she said.  “Shadow was a great dog.  He went with me everywhere.  Even saved my life once.”

“Really?” asked Sylvie.

“Yep,” said Caroline.  “My brother and I were playing on the railroad tracks behind our house and Shadow sat with us and barked and barked until my mother came to see what was going on.  Naturally, we weren’t supposed to be there.  Who knows what would’ve happened if Shadow hadn’t voiced his concerns.”

Caroline was completely making this story up.  She did have a pet named Shadow, but it was a black guinea pig and she eventually died from old age.  Caroline had never owned a dog because her father was allergic and her mother thought caring for one would be too much work that ultimately would fall on her.  I looked at Sylvie’s face and could tell she was eating this story right out of Caroline’s hand.

“I’m not surprised Shadow acted that way,” Sylvie said.  “Weimaraners are very protective.”

“Very true.  They really are misunderstood dogs, I think,” answered Caroline.  She sat cross-legged right in the dirt.  The dogs lay down next to her and Caroline started giving the lighter colored one a belly rub.

“They are, aren’t they?” Sylvie said like she had found a possible kindred spirit in Caroline.  “Most people think they are too high strung.”

“They are a little bit, let’s be honest.  But they can make great pets if you are will to have a little patience with them,” Caroline said.

“The best pets.  How about you?” Sylvie asked as she turned to me.

“I-I didn’t have dogs growing up,” I replied, caught off guard but her sudden attention.  “My dad is allergic.”

Since Caroline was clearly not using her own story, I decided to borrow it.

“That’s too bad,” said Sylvie.

“But Caroline and I have known each other for a long time, Shadow was like my dog too,” I added.  I stole a glance at Caroline and she gave me a very subtle thumbs up.

“If you ever need dog sitters or walkers, we’d be happy to do it for you,” offered Caroline.  “We’d even do the first job for free.”

Sylvie was putting her water bottle away, and this got her attention.  “Really?” she asked.

“Absolutely.”

“It’s funny you should offer because I’m going out of town this Thursday and I just got a call from my dogsitter.  He has to work on Thursday and won’t be able to come to the house until late.”

“Bummer,” said Caroline.

“Yes, huge bummer.  My neighbor can walk the dogs in the morning, but I really need someone in the afternoon to take them on their long walk of the day.  I don’t normally ask perfect strangers to do things like this, but would you two be interested?”

Caroline stood up so fast she startled the dogs.

“Yes!” she said enthusiastically.  “We would love to.”

“Great,” she said.  “And by the way, my name is Sylvie Crane.  These are my boys, Carlow and Dublin.”  She gestured to the dogs.  We introduced ourselves and Sylvie and Caroline exchanged phone numbers.

“I’ll be in touch with you tomorrow and we can go over the details,” she told us.  She dumped the water out her plastic dog bowl and shoved it back in her bag.  “Dublin, Carlow!”  The dogs jumped to attention at the sound of their names and followed Sylvie as she power walked back the way she’d come.

“That story was genius,” I said to Caroline as we watched her go.

“Thanks.  Whatever is needed to shoplift the pootie,” she mused.

I turned to her, confused.  “What’s that mean?”

“You saw Jerry Maguire.  Cuba Gooding Jr. asks Tom Cruise if he shoplifted the pootie.” She looked at me, expecting this to ring some bells.  It didn’t.

“And what does it mean?” I asked again.

She sighed, exasperated.

“It means being nice to the child of a single parent for the purposes of getting into the single parent’s pants.  In a nutshell.  Of course in our case, we aren’t literally trying to get into her pants.  But the term still applies.”

“I see,” I said as I pondered this expression.  “Then in this case, wouldn’t it be shoplift the poochie?”

Caroline looked at me and started to laugh.  “I like that,” she said.

On the way home I treated Caroline to a celebratory Jamba Juice smoothie.  She had earned it.

Lola and Gigi came in the next morning to collect their first of what we knew was going to be several free coffee beverages.

“I trust Saturday night went smoothly?” Gigi asked Caroline as I made their drinks.

“Yep,” she answered immediately before I could open my mouth to interject.  “Without a hitch.”

“Good,” she said.  “Glad to hear it.  So what else did you two do this weekend?”

“Not much,” Caroline replied casually.  “We went for a hike at Runyon yesterday.”

“Runyon, good for you,” Lola said.  “That’s a great workout.”

“Yes, we go every Sunday,” I said as I handed them their drinks.  “As a matter of fact, we ran into a film producer there, you girls know a Sylvie Crane?”

Lola and Gigi shook their heads.

“We struck up a conversation with her, and she needed a dog walker this Thursday, so we’re going to help her out,” Caroline said.

“Oh,” said Lola.  “That sounds fun.”  There was something amiss in her tone.

“What’s wrong with that?” I asked.

“Do you have experience walking dogs?” she asked.

I shrugged.  “Sure.  How hard is it to walk a dog?  What’s the big deal?”

“Just be careful about doing a job like that.  People here are obsessed with their dogs, and if anything happens to them, you’re dead meat,” said Lola.

“No pressure or anything,” Gigi said.  The two girls smiled and left us alone to think about what we had gotten ourselves into.

Caroline turned to me.  “What if she’s right?  What if something happens to them?” she asked.

“Oh my God.  She is not right, are you really taking those two seriously?” I said.  “We just need to be careful and not do anything stupid.”

“You’re right, I’m sorry for doubting us.  We can do this,” said Caroline.

“You’re damn right we can,” I said.

That afternoon, Sylvie called Caroline while we were at work. Caroline put her on speakerphone so I could listen too.

“Listen girls, before I get into specifics with the dogs, I need your full names and birthdates.”

“Uh.  Okay,” said Caroline.  “What for?”

“The background checks.”  Sylvie said like it wasn’t a big deal.

“B-background checks?” Caroline stammered.

“Yeah, I mean I like you girls, but I really don’t know you.  I just want to make sure everything is okay and I’ll feel better if I vet you a little bit first.”

I immediately thought of what Lola and Gigi had said.

“Well sure, Sylvie.  If it’ll make you feel more comfortable, we will give you any information you want,” said Caroline.

We gave her everything she wanted, including Solomon’s name and phone number as our reference.  By the time we were hung up with her, I was starting to feel some pressure about the job.

“It’s going to be fine,” said Caroline.  “She just wants to do it to ease her mind, we have to look at it from her point of view.”

“Right,” I said.

The next afternoon, Sylvie called again.

“Good news, you ladies are as clean as a whistle!” she said delightedly through Caroline’s speakerphone.  “And I talked to your boss, Solomon.  He likes you girls, but it sounds like he could use some joy in his life, you know?”

“Oh Sylvie, we know too well,” Caroline replied.

“You should tell him to get a Weimaraner,” she suggested.

“Well, he has a yappy little Pomeranian,” Caroline told her.

“Oh.  Well that’s his first problem,” she said.  “Anyway, I thought we’d go over the dog walking routine,” she continued, getting down to business.

“Yes, of course,” said Caroline as she grabbed a pen and scrap of paper.

“The dogs are usually walked between four and four-thirty,” Sylvie said.  “I’m going to leave a map of their usual route for you.  When you are done, the dogs can have two treats each, but no more than that.”

“Okay, sure,” said Caroline.  “Is there anything tricky about your neighborhood we should know?  Certain houses to stay away from, anything like that?”

Sylvie thought about this for a moment.  “No,” she said finally.  “But there is a German Shepherd who lives in my neighborhood, I’ll indicate her house on the map.  Dublin and Carlow go a little nuts when she’s outside, but there is a pretty high wall so they can’t actually get to her.  They can only see her through the driveway gate.  Just be sure to hold their leashes tight.”

“No problem,” said Caroline.  They talked for a few more minutes, Sylvie gave Caroline her address and told her how to get into the house.  As soon as Sylvie said her address, I went on the computer in the back room to look it up.  Once Caroline was done with Sylvie, we both studied her neighborhood.

On Thursday we arranged for Millie, a relatively new employee of Coffee Bean, to cover for us while we went on our dog walk.  We were technically working until closing, which was at nine, but didn’t see any harm in leaving for a couple of hours.  We didn’t even tell Solomon.

“Millie, we will be back in time to close, definitely,” I assured her.  “It shouldn’t take more than a couple of hours.”

Millie smiled, exposing her metal braces.  “No problem,” she said.  I’ll be here.”

We found Sylvie’s house without any issues.  Like almost every other house in the hills, you couldn’t see very much of hers from the street.  There was a high wall with some kind of flowering vine spread all over it that obstructed the view.  The driveway was gated, so Caroline punched in the code that Sylvie had given her and we pulled in.  As soon as the gate groaned open, we could hear the dogs inside going beserk.

“Let’s check this place out,” said Caroline as we got out of the car.

The house was constructed out of the same stucco as the wall out front.  Its pinkish hue soaked up the sun and glowed in the late afternoon light.  It was fairly modest in size compared to what you’d imagine the other houses in this neighborhood were like, but was very well maintained.

“This yard looks like it’s cut with shears, it’s so pristine,” I said as I admired it.  “I almost don’t want to walk on it.”

The lawn was small and encircled the house only about three quarters of the way around.  Birds of Paradise and Rhododendrons blossomed through the mulch that bordered the house.  The far edge of the yard was lined with a low, thick hedge, presumably to help deter the dogs from getting out.

“Forget the lawn.  Look at this view!” Caroline exclaimed as she gestured to it.  We stood at the edge of her yard and looked out over the city in front of us.  We could even see Runyon from where we were standing.

“This is awesome,” said Caroline.  She closed her eyes and soaked in the sun.

“Yeah.  I could live here,” I said.

Our peaceful moment was interrupted by the incessant barking coming from behind us.  We turned towards the house.  Almost the entire back of it was wall to ceiling windows and we could easily see the two dogs jumping like maniacs all over furniture and each other.  Their noses were leaving huge streaks on the glass.

“All right, calm down!” Caroline shouted as she went around to the other side of the house.

The spare key was in one of those fake rocks in the mulch by the front door.  The dogs had followed us and were still barking like lunatics when Caroline finally turned the key and opened the door.  They got even more excited when we let ourselves in. One of them lunged towards me, so I instinctively put up my hands and got a handful of wet nose.  Fantastic.

“We better hurry,” I said as I wiped my hand on a jacket that was hanging by the door, “Don’t dogs pee when they get too excited?”

“Yeah, sometimes.  Let’s get them on the leashes, I don’t want to have to clean anything up,” said Caroline.

Sylvie had told Caroline the leashes would be with the walking route map in the kitchen.  We walked through the foyer.  The first floor was almost completely open – the kitchen, living room and dining room areas were essentially one big space.  Though it wasn’t huge, it was impeccably furnished.

“Looks like something out of a Pottery Barn catalogue,” I said.  The kitchen had granite counter tops, new-looking appliances and two sinks, which I thought was pretty cool.

“Aha, here we go,” said Caroline.  She pointed to the kitchen island.  Lying there on the counter were the leashes on top of a piece of paper.

“Okay.  Let’s see,” said Caroline.  The dogs had calmed down some and had followed us over to the island, staring at us as we inspected the map.

“Wow, this is some map,” I said.  I was expecting a printout from Google Maps or Mapquest, but this was actually hand drawn.  Sylvie had labeled all the streets and notated the houses Dublin and Carlow had doggie friends in.  She had included the German Shepherd’s house, whose name was Mandy.  She drew trees and hydrants where the dogs often did their business as well as one particular tree whose bark they like the taste of.  According to the note on the map, we were to make sure they didn’t eat too much of it.

“How much bark is too much?” Caroline wondered aloud.

“I’m not sure.  I don’t think we should let them have any,” I said.

“Good idea.”

Sylvie had notated the route with a red dotted line and it meandered down these streets to create a big loop.

“This isn’t drawn to scale, but this looks like a long walk,” I said.

Caroline nodded in agreement.  “A little over two miles, I’d bet,” she said.  “We better get going then.”

We each grabbed a leash off the table.

“Which dog do you want?” Caroline asked.

I shrugged.  “It doesn’t matter to me.”

“Well, I’m going to walk this one,” said Caroline, gesturing to the lighter colored dog.  She checked the tag on the collar.  “I’ve got Carlow.  That means you have Dublin.”

“Great.”  We clipped the leashes to their collars and walked out the door.

The dogs acted like they hadn’t been out of the house in months. They jumped and pulled on their leashes as we went out the front gate and down the street. I didn’t know how Sylvie did this walk by herself.  Even with us each taking one dog, it was still difficult.  They crisscrossed their leashes several times and we hadn’t gone more than three houses down before we needed to stop and untangle them.

“What do you think about the German Shepherd house?” I asked when we were on our way again.  “I think it would be better not to go anywhere near it and omit her street entirely.”

“Agreed,” said Caroline.

By skipping Mandy’s street, we were cutting the loop by about a half mile.

“We can just do the last little loop twice,” I said as I studied the map.

“That’s fine,” said Caroline.  “Seriously, I think we could just cut the walk short and no one would be the wiser.  Let’s just see how it goes.”

The dogs calmed down as we got to the end of Sylvie’s street.  Per the map, we turned and went further uphill, following the street along the ridge then peeling off to the streets below on the other side of the hill.  The dogs peed and pooped at all their favorite spots.  They said hello to some of their doggie friends through gates and over fences. And we did pass the tree they liked the taste of, but they didn’t so much as get a lick of its bark before we pulled sharply on their collars.  Reluctantly they moved on.

The two dogs looked only slightly different, but their personalities were worlds apart.  This became more and more evident as we walked.  Carlow was very eager to sniff at things and check out people, but he rarely took it beyond that.  Dublin was the adventurer.  It was not sufficient to sniff and poke, he wanted to experience everything full force by digging, chewing, rolling around and generally destroying almost everything of interest.  He was always as far ahead as I would let him get on his retractable leash and constantly looked back at us like we were the world’s biggest slowpokes.

While the sun bathed Sylvie’s house in a warm glow on the western side, the eastern side of the hill got very little sunlight at this time of day.  The vegetation was denser and the air was cooler.  Droopy trees hung lazily over the high walls, many of which had compromised structural integrity.

“Is this ghetto Hollywood Hills?” I said.  Many of the houses that we could see were not very well maintained and looked a little shabby.

“I don’t know,” Caroline answered.  “Certainly looks that way.”

The houses on this side had no view at all.  The trees were too tall and thick to see much of anything, which made it difficult to keep our bearings.  Some of the street signs were missing or very difficult to see because the greenery was so overgrown.

“Okay.  If we want to avoid Mandy’s house, we should take a right here and that’ll get us back to the main road that we came down here on,” I said as I looked at the map.  We went down the street, but instead of coming to another street like I thought we were going to, we reached a dead end.

“This isn’t right,” Caroline declared when we got to the cul de sac.

“No,” I agreed as I studied the map again.  The light wasn’t very good and I had to hold it pretty close to my face to see much of anything.

“Where are we?” Caroline said.  She got out her cell phone to access its GPS.  “I don’t have any 3G service here, this sucks,” she said after a moment.  “What does the map say?”

“I can’t even tell where we are,” I replied.  “We should just go back the way we came.”

We turned around.  Once we got to the first cross street, we examined the map again.

“Do you remember this intersection?” I asked Caroline.

“Not really,” she answered vaguely.  We looked at the street sign.

“I don’t think that street is even on the map, do you?” I asked.

“I think we should go right,” Caroline said.  “It looks like it goes uphill, and that is the direction we need to go in to get back to Sylvie’s.”

“All right,” I said.  We turned the corner and went up the hill.  We hadn’t gone more than four or five houses when we heard a bark.

“Probably another doggie friend,” I said.

“I don’t know.  Look at them,” Caroline said, pointing to the dogs.  They were both walking with a purpose and very upright.  The strange dog barked again, and something dawned on me.

“Did that sound like a German Shepherd bark to you?” I asked.

“I don’t know.  How the hell do I know what a German Shepherd’s bark sounds like?” she said snippily.  The disembodied bark erupted a third time.  Dublin and Carlow started to act very strangely.  They yelped and pulled on their leashes, jumping all around like they were hopped up on something.

“Should we go back?” Caroline asked.  She steadied Carlow’s leash by holding it with both hands.

“No, I think we should just go this way,” I said.  Dublin practically jerked my arm out of its socket.  The cul de sac experience had completely deflated my confidence and I just wanted to get back to Sylvie’s.

Mandy’s barking was getting louder and louder, and the behavior of Dublin and Carlow was getting more and more beserk.  It grew even worse as we approached her house.  It was gray, and like Sylvie said there was a high wall that separated it from the sidewalk.

“This is ridiculous,” shouted Caroline over all the barking.  “This dog Mandy better be smoking hot.”

I nodded in agreement.  We were coming up on the gate to Mandy’s driveway.  Suddenly, Dublin leapt ahead and his leash slipped out of my hands.  He tore down the sidewalk.

“Dublin!” I shouted.  “Get back here!”  But Dublin wasn’t listening to me.  As if in slow motion, I watched as he jumped, sailing skillfully over that high wall into Mandy’s yard.  As soon as I saw his stumpy little tail disappear over the wall, my heart plummeted into my stomach and I did the first thing I thought of.  I ran after him.

My jump over the wall wasn’t nearly as graceful as Dublin’s.  I got stuck on the top of it, the surface was very uneven and my khakis caught on a few little nubs of stucco.

“Are you insane?” Caroline shouted.  “What are you doing?”

“I have to get Dublin before he rapes that German Shepherd!” I yelled back at her.  I managed to get free, my khakis ripping in the process and I promptly lost my balance.  I landed on the other side of the wall in a thick bush.

“It sounds to me like she’s asking for it.  I’m just saying,” said Caroline.

“Ohhh,” I groaned as I tried to get up.

“You okay?” Caroline called out.

“Yeah, wonderful,” I answered.  I suddenly felt a hot shooting pain on my forearm and looked down at it.  There was a razor thin line of fresh blood about five inches long.  I looked around and realized I had landed in a rosebush.

“Great,” I mumbled.  As carefully as possible, I extracted myself from the rosebush, scratching myself in several other places in the process.  I freed myself just in time to see Dublin dismounting the biggest German Shepherd I’d ever seen.  Both dogs locked eyes with me.  Mandy bared her teeth and Dublin saw his chance.  He took off.

I started running after Dublin, but Mandy, intent on aiding her lover escape, bounded towards me.  My head was spinning.  I was losing Dublin, bleeding from multiple places and had a German Shepherd about to bite my head off.  I looked around wildly, searching for something I could use to defend myself with and noticed a tennis ball lying in a pile of dead leaves.  I grabbed it.  Right as Mandy was about to strike, I threw the tennis ball towards the house.  She completely fell for it and bolted across the yard to fetch the ball.  I ran over to where I’d seen Dublin disappear through two thick bushes and into the neighboring yard.

“Sucker!” I cried to Mandy over my shoulder.

“Hey!  What’s going on over there?” Caroline yelled.

“Dublin’s gone into the next yard, I’ve almost got him!” I shouted, and ran through the bushes.  A leafy branch smacked me in the eye.  It immediately started to tear uncontrollably.

“Dublin!” I shouted once I got into the next yard.  I looked around with one hand cupping my bad eye.  After a second I spotted him along the top of a stone wall on the other side of the yard.  He looked at me gleefully, then floated over it into yet another yard.

I ran after Dublin for a good ten minutes.  Through bushes, over walls and hedges, around trees and piles of brush and branches we went.  Since one hand was over my injured eye, my ability to register depth of field was subpar and resulted more than once in almost losing my other eye.  The further the chase went on, the more I cursed Dublin for being so devious, Sylvie for raising such poorly behaved dogs, Caroline for thinking this dog walk was a good idea, and myself for going along with the whole thing.

Some of the people who lived in the houses of the yards we were tearing through caught us in the act, though luckily they seemed to understand what I was doing.  Most gave me looks of sympathy, though none gave me any help whatsoever.  Dublin finally eluded me after he squeezed through a fence that had a missing slat.  The opening wasn’t big enough for me to fit through and the fence was too tall and not sturdy enough for me to scale over.  With a panting resignation, I found the quickest back out to the street.

Once I stumbled out on the pavement, I stopped to rest and regroup.  Thankfully my eye had stopped tearing, though it still felt a little inflamed and was sensitive to the touch.  I had no idea where I was and checked my pockets for Sylvie’s map.  Then I vaguely recalled having it in my hand when I decided to jump the wall into Mandy’s yard and was pretty sure I dropped it as I was landing in the rosebush.  I realized I didn’t know where Caroline was and just as I was beginning to panic about that, I heard the jingle of a collar and turned to see her walking down the street with a completely calm Carlow in tow.

“Oh thank God,” I breathed loudly when I saw her.  “That was lucky.  I didn’t know how I was going to find you again.”

Caroline took in my appearance.  My clothes were torn and I had multiple scratches that had drawn blood.  I was very sweaty and dirty, particularly my knees because I had fallen a few times over the course of the chase.

“We do have cell phones,” Caroline said after a moment.  “Besides, it wasn’t luck that led me to you.”

“What was it then?” I asked.

“I just followed the sound of you crashing through the neighborhood and shouting at Dublin.  You sounded like an elephant back there.”

“Oh gee, thanks,” I said sarcastically.

“I take it you didn’t find him,” she said.

“No, I didn’t,” I answered bitterly.  “I tried to keep up with him, I really did.  But he’s a dog.”  I felt utterly helpless about the whole thing, and started to get a knot in the back of my throat.

“Well, we have to find him.”

“I know,” I said in a small voice.

“And we have another problem.”

I looked at her sharply.  “What’s that?”

“Millie called.  The registers have frozen and she can’t figure out how to fix them.”

Both of them?” I asked incredulously.

“Yes.  One froze, so she started to use the other one, then that one froze too.  She’s freaking out, she can’t do any transactions and I need to go over there to help her.”

“You are leaving now?” I tried to control the volume of my voice, but I was so angry at Millie’s stupidity and panicked that Caroline was about to leave that I sounded quite shrill.

“I know the timing sucks,” she said sympathetically.  “But I have a plan.”

“What?” I demanded.

“I think you should call Sebastian and ask him to help you look for Dublin.”

I laughed at her.  “Yeah.  Right.”

“I’m serious, it’s perfect.  You call him distraught and needing his help.  He’ll go for it, trust me.”

“I’m not appropriately attired,” I protested.  “Look at me.”

“Doesn’t matter, he’ll get over it,” she said dismissively.  “Give him a call.”

“Caroline.  I’m pretty sure I smell like manure.”

“You do smell like manure.”

“I rest my case.”

“I figured out how to get back to the house, we’ll put Carlow away when we get there and I’ll wait with you until Sebastian arrives, okay?  Is that a plan?”

“Fine,” I said after a moment.  I got out my phone and dialed Sebastian’s number as Caroline led the way down the street.

“That’s so weird, I was just thinking about you,” Sebastian said after the second ring.

“You know who this is?” I asked, a little surprised.

“Of course I do.  I put your name in my phone as soon as you left Green.  How are you?” he asked.

I decided to jump right into it.  I told him what was going on, and without even needing to get to the asking part, he offered his help.

“I’ve got a dog, you know.  I could help you look for him if you want.  I don’t live too far from where you are.”

“That would be so great,” I said relieved.

“I’ll be over in twenty minutes,” he said.

Once we got to the house, Caroline put Carlow inside and I wiped off as much of the blood, sweat and dirt as I could.  I looked in the mirror at my eye, which was a little swollen but didn’t look too bad.  Caroline made me an ice pack for it and then waited in the driveway with me for Sebastian to arrive.  She was quite pleased with herself for making this suggestion.  After about ten minutes, a black shiny pick-up truck pulled up outside the gate.  I threw my icepack into the bushes as Caroline let him into the driveway.

“Hey,” he said as he got out of the cab of the truck moments later.

“Hi,” I managed as Caroline slipped into her car and backed out of the driveway.  “You ready?”

“Oh my God, look at your eye,” he said as he pointed to it.

“I’m fine,” I assured him.  “It looks worse than it feels.”

“You sure you don’t want some ice or something?” he said, still staring at it.

“No, that’s okay,” I said quickly.  “I just want to find Dublin.”

“Okay.  I was thinking we’d take the truck.  Probably would be easier,” he said.

“Sure, sounds great,” I said.

It was almost completely dark by the time we started looking.  Sebastian drove slowly down one street after another.  After making his first turn, he reached into a paper bag that was resting on the middle console between the two front seats.

“Doggie treats,” he explained as he broke off a piece of one and tossed it onto the sidewalk.  “My dog goes nuts for these.”

“Oh?  What kind of dog do you have?” I asked.  I was completely sick of even thinking about dogs, but thought it was a good subject to start with.

“German Short Hair Pointer,” he replied.  “His name is Kaiser.  It means emperor in German.”

“Do you have relatives from Germany?”

“No,” he said.  “I spent a semester there while I was at Stanford.  I loved it.  Really rich history, but it gets overlooked by many Americans because of the whole Hitler and Holocaust thing.”

“You seem to know these streets very well,” I said, deciding to change the subject.

“I do, actually,” he answered as he threw another bit of dog treat out the window.  “I grew up in these hills.  There are very few streets up here I don’t know.  What’s the dog’s name again?”

“Dublin,” I replied.

“Dublin!  Here boy!  Want a treat?” he called loudly out the window as he threw another bit.  There was no answer.

“Hopefully no one else’s dog will eat these up, and we can at least lure him back towards the house,” he said.

I hoped so.  As we crept along and continued on our search, I grew less and less hopeful that we were going to find Dublin at all.  The knot that was in my throat earlier had dropped down into the pit of my stomach, and as time wore on it grew bigger and bigger.  A few times Caroline texted me and asked how the search was going.  I texted her back and updated her with our lack of progress.

Sebastian couldn’t have been more wonderful.  He circled through Sylvie’s neighborhood twice, throwing bits of treat out his window until the whole bag was gone.  After an hour and a half of looking, Sebastian pulled over and looked at me matter-of-factly.

“I think it’s time to call it a night,” he said.  “I’m sorry, it’s not that I don’t want to keep searching out here with you.  I just think you’ll have better results in the morning.”

“Okay,” I agreed and heaved a huge sigh.  “Perhaps that is best.”

“We’ll swing back to the house to see if he’s there,” Sebastian suggested as he pulled away from the curb.

I nodded but said nothing.  Suddenly, I had a horrible realization.  Most likely Sylvie’s dogsitter would be at the house by now and wondering why there was only one dog there.  I prayed vigorously that he or she hadn’t called Sylvie to tell her one of the dogs was missing.  I was dreading having to tell the dogsitter the bad news, I didn’t want Caroline to have to deal with getting a call from Sylvie freaking out about it.

When we pulled through the gate and into the driveway a few minutes later, there was another car already parked there.  I heard Carlow barking inside.  We got out of the car and Sebastian looked around for signs of Dublin while I started mentally preparing myself for the conversation with the dogsitter.  As I approached the front door, it opened and a guy with a mop of curly brown hair stepped out into the driveway.  He closed the door behind him.

“You the dogwalker?” he demanded.

“Yes,” I said sheepishly.  “Listen, I feel horrible-“ I looked him in the eye, ready to really grovel.  But I completely lost my train of thought when I realized I knew who this was.

“Josh?” I asked.  It was Josh Beader, from the movie Caroline and I had worked on the week before.

He looked at me too, recognition registering on his face.  “Oh, hi,” he said.  “You’re the dogwalker?”

“Yes, and I feel horrible about-“

“Losing Dublin,” he finished for me.

“He took off,” I said.  “Have you called Sylvie yet to tell her?”

“Are you kidding?” Josh said.  “She would freak out.”

“I will do whatever it takes,” I said eagerly to him.  “I will scour this neighborhood for days if I have to.  I will find Dublin.  Just please don’t tell her yet.”

Sebastian came over and joined us.

“Well, there’s no sign of Dublin in the yard,” he said as my heart sank.  “But unless this lady has more than two dogs, I think he’s in the house.”

I looked at Josh, my eyes wide with anticipation, then I pushed past him and flung open the front door.  Dublin and Carlow bolted out to greet me, licking my hands and wagging their stubby little tails.  Dublin acted like nothing happened, but I was so relieved to see him that I couldn’t even be mad at him.  It was like the weight of the world just lifted off my shoulders.

“Oh, thank God,” I breathed as I hugged him around his neck.

“Yeah Dublin ran off on me once, it took me four hours to find him.  He’s kind of an a-hole,” said Josh.

“So are you, for leading her on like that,” said Sebastian.  “Why didn’t you tell her you had him in there the whole time?”

“It’s fine,” I said quickly

“Sorry,” said Josh.

“It’s fine, really,” I said again.  “I just hope he didn’t impregnate that German Shepherd,” I said.

“No, he’s fixed.  Sylvie knows better than that,” he said.

“How do you even know Sylvie?” I asked.

“She’s my aunt,” Josh replied.  “She started my career in the film business, so the least I can do is watch her dogs for her from time to time.”

“Cool.  Hey, can this incident stay between us?” I asked timidly.

“Absolutely,” he answered.

“Thank you, that’s really nice of you,” I said.

“You’re welcome.”

I turned to Sebastian.  “Would you mind giving me a ride home?”

“Sure,” he answered.

“Bye Josh.  Thanks again,” I said.  We hopped in Sebastian’s truck, Josh held onto the dogs’ collars as the gate opened and we drove off.

“Thank you so much, again.  For everything,” I said to Sebastian when we pulled up in front of my apartment building.

“You’re welcome.  Hey, are you free this Saturday?  I’m having a pool party.”

“Sure, sounds fun,” I said, struggling to keep my voice even and not sound as excited as I felt.

“Great.  You can bring your friend if you want.”  He got out his phone.  “I just texted you my address,” he said after a moment.  “It starts at six and it’ll go all night.  Come by whenever.”


13
Apr 10

Chapter Four: Don’t Eat the Snacks

“I don’t think this is a parking space,” I said as I opened the car door and leaned out, inspecting the curb.

“It’s fine,” said Caroline as she stepped out of the driver’s side.

“This curb looks like it’s painted red.  As in, don’t park here,” I pointed to the curb to emphasize my point.

Caroline barely glanced at it.  “Don’t worry about it,” she said.  “I park on these streets all the time.”

I shrugged.  I still wasn’t convinced, but it was pointless arguing with her.  Though Caroline was one for appearances, she was also cheap and didn’t pay for valet parking unless absolutely necessary.  We had been driving around for twenty minutes before we found this alleged space and I knew she wasn’t about to give it up for anything.

“What time is it?” Caroline asked me.

I dug my cell phone out of my jacket pocket.  “9:45,” I answered.

“You have the card, right?”  It was the forty-seventh time she had asked me this question.  I put my cell phone back in my jacket pocket and produced the card from my back jeans pocket.

“Great,” she said.  “Let’s go, we’re late.”  We walked down the sidewalk.  We had parked on a small residential street off of Sunset.  I still felt a little funny leaving the car, but told myself to forget about it so I could concentrate on the evening’s plans.

“Gigi said we should be there after 9:30.  We don’t want to look too eager, do we?” I said.

“It is after 9:30, first of all,” Caroline said as she navigated her way around a large pile of dog poop.  “Why can’t people pick up after their dogs?” she retorted, getting distracted from her point.  “Honestly, these are Joan and David shoes.”  She paused.  “What was I saying?”

“It’s after 9:30,” I reminded her.

“Right.  All I mean is, I am willing to forgo being fashionably late and looking eager if it means getting in will be a little easier.”

“But we have the card,” I said.

“There will still be a process to get in, there always is,” Caroline said knowledgably.  “Someone will have to find this Liam guy for us.  The card is like a big, silver dollar.  It’s shiny and will get people’s attention, but it isn’t a golden ticket to sailing past those velvet ropes and into the club.”

“We’re hanging all our hopes on a silver dollar?” I asked, a bit deflated.

“It’s how it works, trust me.  We will get in, it’ll just take a little while.”

Ten minutes later, we were standing in front of what looked like an abandoned warehouse.  It stood alone on its own plot of land and was set back a bit more from the street than the surrounding buildings.

“This is it?” Caroline asked.  She grabbed the card from my hand and peered at it.
“It’s the right address,” I said as she handed the card back to me.

There was no sign of life anywhere.  Weeds were growing out of the cracks in the asphalt and a couple of the dark, grimy window panes were missing glass.  There was a rusty chainlink fence around the front, but half of it had collapsed and lay haphazardly against a heap of scrap metal that was piled high against the building.

“Where is everybody?”  I looked around.

Caroline shrugged.  We were on a no-man’s-land part of Sunset and it was completely deserted.  Suddenly, we heard laughter coming from down the street.  A couple appeared from around a corner and was headed towards us.  The young woman looked like a model.  She was rail thin with stick straight hair and slinky dress.  She was hanging on the guy, who was tall with broad shoulders and even in the dark it was easy to make out a tattoo of something that snaked up his right arm and disappeared under his black button down shirt.

“Should we ask-“

“No,” Caroline interrupted me quickly.  I could see her mental gears turning.  The couple approached us, and she started to rummage through her purse.

“I know my ID is in here somewhere,” she exclaimed loudly as they passed us.

“What are you doing?” I asked once they were out of earshot.

“I didn’t want us looking like the idiots who couldn’t find their way into this club,” she said without looking at me.  She was watching the couple pick their way around the collapsed fence and disappear down an alley.  “Come on.”

As nonchalantly as possible, we followed them.  The warehouse went back surprisingly far and even though there was a floodlight at the opposite end of the alley, it was an extremely long, dark walk to get to it.  The gloomy warehouse loomed on one side of us, a fence overrun with ivy on the other.  The ivy was so overgrown the tendrils reached out quite far.  When I deviated even slightly towards the fence, I was unpleasantly surprised by them tickling me in the face.  My heels kicked some bottles and other trash but it was so dark I couldn’t see anything.  I walked slowly for fear of tripping on something and face planting on the dirty pavement.

Caroline blazed along unabashed by potential stumbling hazards and focused entirely on the couple ahead of us, though twice she did stop, realizing how far ahead of me she was.  Both times her impatience got the better of her and she turned around to carry on before I had completely caught up to her.

The faint pulse of music emitted from inside the warehouse as we neared the end of the alley.  I looked up from my futile attempt at seeing where I was going to watch Caroline, silhouetted in the harsh floodlight, half skip her way after the couple we were following, who disappeared around the corner of the building.  When she reached the edge of the building she stopped and waited for me.

“Here we are!” pronounced Caroline when I finally caught up to her.

The alley opened up into a large oval driveway.  The back of the building looked like your typical warehouse loading dock – there were two docking stations that shared a raised cement platform, which had been converted into a large balcony area.  The edges were cordoned off with solid black barricades to prevent people from club crashing.  The dock’s rolling gates gaped open and we craned our necks as we walked by to get a look inside the club.  But there were so many clubbers using the balcony to smoke that we couldn’t see very much.

Past the loading dock was the main entrance – a wide metal door that was propped open with a cinderblock.  All the people who were waiting in the long line just outside the door could get a peek of what they were missing and hoping to eventually experience for themselves, if it wasn’t for the enormous man that guarded it.  His massive body obscured most of the view.

“What do you think?” I asked Caroline.

“Come on,” she said after a moment.  With a brazen gait, she walked right up to the bouncer, with me closely behind her.

“Can I help you?” he asked curiously once we got to him.  He wore a hunter green button down shirt and black dress pants.  He was stereotypical in his size as far as bouncers go – he looked like an ex-sumo wrestler.  His neck was as big as my thigh and he was so tall Caroline would have to sit on my shoulders in order for either one of us to pat the top of his shaved head.  Not that we were in the habit of patting random strangers on their heads.  However, if we were, this would’ve been a two person job, not just in terms of height but also surface area.  It was like a beach ball.

He chewed on a toothpick and stared intently at us, rolling it around from one side of his mouth to the other as if that were the only thing keeping him from punching someone out of sheer boredom.  I caught a nervous look from Caroline, but it was fleeting and in the next moment she smiled sweetly at him.

“Um, yes.  Hello.  My friend and I-” she gestured to me as she said this, which was my cue to smile at him as adorably as she was.  I tried as hard as I could, but the sheer size of him was intimidating and I was afraid my smile looked more like a grimace.

“We have this card,” Caroline continued and she again gestured to me.  I let my awful smile fall as I jammed my hand in my jeans pocket and held up the card, now slightly bent, for him to see.

“We were told to ask for Liam,” I said quickly.

The bouncer took the card from me with a beefy hand.  He looked at it for a moment, then turned it over.  He stared at the two of us.

“Someone gave you this card?” he asked skeptically.

“Yes,” I said.

He looked back and forth between the two of us. “Wait in this line right here,” he grunted finally, gesturing behind us.  We turned and eyed the long line of people watching our exchange.

“Sure, yeah.  You’ll tell Liam we’re outside?” Caroline asked.  The bouncer didn’t answer her, he just handed the card back to me.

“Okay, thank you,” she said earnestly.  “We’ll be here.  Waiting.  Because…that’s what you do in a line…”  Her voice trailed off as I caught her arm and steered her towards the back of the line.

“Can you believe that?  He didn’t believe that anyone would give us that card.  He thought we found it on the street or something.  Or stole it.”  I retorted.

Caroline shrugged.  “That’s his job,” she said plainly.  “He’s the bouncer of the most exclusive club in Los Angeles, what did you expect?”

“I guess I expected to be believed,” I said as I slid the card back into my pocket.

“This is Hollywood, honey,” Caroline said.  “Everybody lies in this town.  You want to survive here you’ve got to stop expecting the truth.  It can get you into trouble.  Especially in a place like this.”

“That’s messed up,” I said.

“Yep,” replied Caroline nonchalantly.

I studied the warehouse.  “The most exclusive club is in a dump like this?  You’d think they’d be able to afford better real estate,” I mused.

“The location moves around, it never stays in one place too long.  The owners find places that the usual club goers wouldn’t suspect.  Word gets around what the new address is to the people who are deemed worthy of going.”

“Adding to the exclusivity and pretentiousness of it all,” I offered.

“Exactly,” answered Caroline.

“How did you hear of it?”  I asked.

“From a friend at USC,” she said.  “The hearing about it isn’t hard, most people who live in Los Angeles and frequent the clubs know it exists.  It’s finding someone who has actually been and knows how to get in, that’s the tricky part.”

I nodded.  “How did you find out that Lola and Gigi had a connection here?”

“I didn’t know they had a connection, I just knew they had been before.  I overheard them talking about it one day at Coffee Bean,” she said.  “They had been the night before and were rehashing some argument they had gotten into with one of the Olsen twins.  The next time they came in, I gave them their coffees on the house.  Told them I had a friend moving out here in a few weeks and if they could get us into Green, there’d be a lot more free coffees coming their way.  They seemed amenable, but had to meet you first.  Had to make sure you weren’t a total nerd.”  She reached into her purse and dug out her phone, checking the time as I absorbed this information.

“Why does getting into this club matter to you so much?” I asked.  Caroline paused and looked at me, trying to find the right words.

“You remember my roommate sophomore year, Gillian?” she asked.

“Was she the one who had the alarm clock that screamed in Chinese?”

“No, that was Vicki, my freshman year roommate,” Caroline said.  “Gillian was sophomore year.  She was also a film major.  She had a crazy obsession with Mark-Paul Gosselaar?”

“Oh yeah,” I said as the memories came screaming back to me.  “Now I remember.  Crazy obsession.  Honestly, it was unhealthy.”

“Yes.  Anyway, we stayed friends, even more so junior year when we weren’t living together and I didn’t have to fall asleep listening to the endless episodes of Saved By the Bell she used to watch on her computer.  About two weeks before the end of spring semester, she tells me she wrote a script.  She wanted to know if I would read it and give her any thoughts I had.”

“Did you?” I asked.

“Yep.”

“Was it any good?”

“Not only was it not even a little bit good, it was horrible.  The dialogue was clichéd, the plot was contrived and felt like it was taken directly from an after school special.”

“Probably one Mark-Paul starred in,” I said.

“No doubt,” replied Caroline.  “There was not a single redeemable quality about that script.”

“What did you do?”

“I couldn’t bring myself to tell her the whole truth, so I decided upon a few choice criticisms.  I picked the things that made me want to poke my eyes out with ninja stars and chose my words carefully when describing them to her.  The weird thing was, she actually listened to me.  She made some changes and when I read her next draft, it wasn’t as God awful.  Still wasn’t great.  But at least it wasn’t as bad as before.”

“No ninja stars necessary?” I asked.

Caroline smiled.  “No.  Thank goodness.”

“So what does this have to do with wanting to go to this club?”

“I was getting to that.  I didn’t see Gillian all summer, then once fall semester started she called me and asked me to lunch.  Over our goat cheese salads she told me that she spent her summer making her crappy script into a movie.”

“What!” I said.  “But you said it was horrible.”

“It was,” Caroline answered.  “I asked her how she got the money. And she said she met a guy in a bar a couple of weeks after summer vacation started.  He was a computer software engineer who liked financing small budget movies on the side and was looking for a new project.  She gave him her script and he gave her the money to get it made.  Even let her direct it.”

“But, you said it was horrible,” I insisted.

“That’s not the point,” she said dismissively.

“What is the point, then?”

“She was going to one of the most prestigious film schools in the country.  And how did her film get made?  Because she met some guy in some bar.  And it wasn’t even a real bar, it was the bar at the Cheesecake Factory.  If that can happen there, who knows what we can find here.  That’s why I want to get in.  In this town, you never know what opportunity awaits you.  You just need to be patient and keep your eyes open for it.”

I smiled at her.  I had to admit, she could pull a really solid inspirational speech right out of her ass.   She was born a film producer.

“Okay, fine.  So this is worth the wait.”

“We’re probably not going to wait very long anyway,” she said as she studied the bouncer.  He was talking to a guy in a Kelly green shirt.  After a few moments, he went disappeared back into the club.  The bouncer caught us looking at him and didn’t seem too happy about it, so we quickly looked the other way.

“What happens when the bouncer finds out that we don’t really know this Liam guy?  Think he’ll be mad?” I asked.

Caroline shook her head.  “I don’t think he’ll care one way or the other.  Just as long as Liam doesn’t care.”

“You think Gigi called and told him we were coming?”

“I’m giving her free coffees for a week, she better have,” Caroline said with an edge in her tone.

“He could be the delivery guy for all we know,” I said.  “What if he doesn’t have any pull?”

“He has some pull, he got Lola and Gigi in,” she replied.

The moments passed.  The line got longer and longer as more hopeful young Hollywood wannabes drifted in from the darkness of the alley and joined the line behind us.  There was some movement – a group of pretty and barely legal-looking young girls were practically lassoed by some hot shot musician whose name neither Caroline nor I could remember.  He shooed them into the club like a flock of geese while they squealed uncontrollably.  Most of the patrons who were let in and spared the look of scrutiny from the bouncer – who Caroline and I nicknamed Maximus – were people who I recognized from bit roles on both TV shows and movies.  Many of them had entourages so big it was like they owned their own baseball team.

“Why is it all the people who have big entourages are B-listers?” Caroline wondered aloud as yet another posse was granted access by Maximus.

“I bet there are a fair share of A-listers who big entourages too,” I said.

“True.  But none of those people are getting in over me right now,” replied Caroline.

There was no sign of Liam anywhere.  At least, we didn’t think so.  Truthfully he could have walked by us several times and we would’ve never have known it since we had no idea what he looked like.  Regardless, every time someone popped their head out of the door to talk to Maximus, our hearts would leap with possibility.  As time wore on, my enthusiasm for this outing started to wane.  My feet were aching in the heels I was wearing and after nearly an hour, I was ready to go home.

“Caroline,” I started.

She could read my tone, and wasn’t going to go down without a fight.  “Come on, we can’t leave now,” she protested.

“Then we have to do something,” I replied.

“Like what?  Bribery?”

“I’m not bribing Maximus,” I said.

“Okay, fine,” she said.  We brainstormed in silence for a moment.  “All right, how about we just talk to him?  Like we’re checking in to see what’s going on?”

“Okay,” I agreed.  “But if it doesn’t work, we go home.  Deal?”

“Yeah, fine.”  Caroline held up the rope guiding the line so I could duck under it.

Maximus watched as we approached, nonplussed.  When we were almost to him Caroline gave him a little wave.

“Hello,” she said cheerfully.

He grunted back.

“We just thought we’d check in, see if Liam was able to make it out here to come and get us,” she said pleasantly.

“We know he must be very busy,” I said, trying to contribute.

“Yes, of course,” agreed Caroline.

Maximus peered down at us.  “He is.  Very busy,” he said as he stuck a fresh toothpick in his mouth.  He folded his arms and looked straight ahead, away from us.  There was a finality in his demeanor so I turned to leave, but Caroline wasn’t ready to go home quite yet.

“Look, can I speak frankly to you?” I heard her say.  I whipped back around.  This piqued the interest of Maximus too, because he was also looking at her.

“Go ahead,” he said finally.

“First off, we haven’t been introduced properly.  I’m Caroline.  What’s your name?”

He stared at her a moment, sizing her up.  “Balthazar,” he said reluctantly.

“Wow.  Cool name,” she said genuinely.

“Say what you came over here to say,” he said sharply.

“Yeah.  Listen.  I know you think we don’t belong in there.  And you’re probably right.  We’re just two girls from Massachusetts trying to make our dreams come true out here in Hollywood.  All we want is to get the chance to interact with people who maybe could help us with that.”

“And by interact with, she does not mean sleep with,” I jumped in.

“That’s true,” said Caroline.  “You might have guessed by now that we haven’t actually met Liam.  But I’m paying this girl I know unlimited coffee beverages for a week for the opportunity to get into this club using him as our contact person.  I’m not asking you to let us in, I’m simply asking for information so we can figure out if all this waiting is going to pay off, or if I’m going to be paying for these coffees with my own tip money for the next week for nothing.  Can you please do us a solid and let us know one way or the other?”

Something Caroline said must have gotten through.  Balthazar unfolded his arms and stared at her.

“I honestly don’t know if it’s worth your wait,” he said.  “Liam is a bartender here.  And tonight, he’s late.  Really late.”

Caroline nodded, soaking in this information.  “And there’s no way to contact him.”

“He’s not picking up his cell,” Balthazar said.  “We don’t know where he is.”  Something behind us caught his attention suddenly.  “Although,” he continued, “It looks like that information just changed.”

We turned to see what he was looking at.  A young man with dark hair was running towards us like a bat out of hell.  He was wearing a mint green button down shirt that was half tucked into a pair of dark jeans and he was carrying a backpack by the top handle.

This had to be Liam.

“Dude-“ Balthazar began as Liam stopped when he got to us.

“I know,” he panted.  “I got pulled over, the cop took forever to write a ticket-“

“Yeah, great excuse,” Balthazar said sarcastically.  “Jean Paul is furious.”

“Yes, I bet he is,” said Liam like he didn’t really care.  As his breathing slowed, he noticed Caroline and I looking at him.

“Hi,” he said with a little wave.

Balthazar pointed to us.  “You know these chicks?”

Liam looked at us blankly.  Aside from his vague stare, he was quite handsome.  He was short and slight but had a strong jawline and dark eyes that glittered in the floodlights.

“We’re Gigi and Lola’s friends,” Caroline said and she stuck her hand out to shake Liam’s hand.  He was a little slow on the uptake and Caroline almost had to put her hand in his so he could shake it.

His eyes lit up with hazy recognition.  “Oh, right.  From the Coffee Bean.  I completely forgot you guys were coming by tonight,” he said.

“So they’re cool?” Balthazar asked.  He seemed eager to get us on our way.

“Yeah, they’re cool,” answered Liam.

“Super.  IDs please.  And it’s a fifty dollar cover.”  Balthazar held out his hand to collect.

“Fifty bucks?  Are you crazy?” I retorted.

“It’s okay, I’ve got it,” Caroline said as she elbowed me in the ribs.  Then to me she added, “Control yourself and show the man your ID.”  I did as I was told and after inspecting our IDs thoroughly, he stepped aside and allowed us to enter.

“Thanks for all your help,” said Caroline earnestly to Balthazar.  He grunted in return and we didn’t waste any time going into the club.

Inside, the space was vast.  As dilapidated as the warehouse looked on the outside, the inside was a stark contrast.  It looked clean and spruced up.  The floor had a nice sheen to it, though the space still retained the minimalistic charm of its warehouse roots.  It was easy to appreciate since the place wasn’t even close to capacity.  It only looked that way from the perspective of the waiting line because most people gravitated towards the loading dock area so they could smoke. Most of those who weren’t smoking had gathered around the square-shaped bar that stood a little off center in the middle of the room.  Against the wall towards the front was a DJ, who was playing elevator techno and the two longer walls were lined with booths with low tables in the center of them.  Most of these were taped off with signs that read “Reserved,” though no one really seemed to be interested in sitting in them anyway.  Liam was already behind the bar, he had slipped in when Balthazar was inspecting our IDs.

“Bar?” I asked Caroline.

“Hell yeah,” she replied.

As we approached, Liam was amidst placing a sign on one corner of the bar.  It read, “RESERVED.”

“Sorry, ladies,” he said to the group of four young women who he was kicking out.  “This area is now reserved. There’s plenty of seating over there, though.”  He pointed across the room to where the non-reserved booths were.  The women were annoyed, but reluctantly gathered their purses and drinks and moved over.

“Wow,” Caroline said to me out of the corner of her mouth.  “This is pretty awesome.”  I had to admit that the idea of the bartender kicking out a bunch of pretty girls so we could sit at the bar was indeed awesome.  The evening was getting unexpectedly better.  We hopped up on the free stools.  He smiled at us as we sat down.

“What’ll it be, ladies?” he asked.

“Long Island iced tea, please,” said Caroline, bouncing excitedly in her seat.

“I’ll have a martini,” I declared.  “With extra olives.”  I didn’t really drink martinis.  The truth was I didn’t drink that much period.  But after the evening we had thus far, a martini seemed to be in order.

“All right,” said Liam and he got to work.

“So, Liam.  How do you know Gigi and Lola?” I asked as we watched him make Caroline’s drink.

“I used to go out with Lola,” he said.

“Really,” I answered without really thinking.  He laughed.  “Sorry,” I said quickly.  “I didn’t mean anything by that.”

“It’s okay,” he replied as he set Caroline’s drink in front of her.

“You’re still friendly, it seems,” said Caroline.  “That’s good.”

“Well, the Jardins are a bit like the mafia.  Once you’re in, there’s no getting out.  We’re better as friends anyway.  I know that’s a little cliché, but it’s the truth.”  He poured the ingredients for my martini into a mixing glass.

As he continued to make my drink, I looked around the bar and studied the people who surrounded it.  No one was over thirty.  The women were all tall, thin and pretty with long hair and low cut dresses.  I began to feel very underdressed in my fancy jeans and short-sleeved black blouse.  It had some frills around the collar that flounced around with the slightest movement.  This was annoying because it felt like there was a bug crawling up my neck, and no matter how many times it happened in the course of five minutes I would inevitably at some point jerk instinctively.  Caroline tried vehemently to veto me wearing this shirt as a general rule, calling it “The Spaz Shirt,” but it was the fanciest piece of clothing I owned.  Instead, she attempted to talk me into wearing a dress, but I wasn’t interested.  I wanted to be somewhat comfortable and the only thing I was willing to sacrifice in the name of fashion was my patent red leather heels.  Even though they killed my feet, they were glorious.

The men, who were slightly outnumbered, looked like the casting session for a Pert Plus commercial.  All of them had fabulous heads of hair that were mussed just so.  It made me wonder if there was a hair product dispenser in the mens’ room.  They were all cute and buff and most of them were with girls, though I did spot some all male groups in the crowd.

“You here to troll for celebrities?” Liam asked.  He was watching me looking at the room as he slid my martini in front of me.

“No,” I said, trying not to sound defensive.

“It’s okay if you are, I really don’t care.  I should, but I don’t,” he said with a wink.

“It doesn’t seem like there are any here anyway,” said Caroline as she looked around and stirred her drink with her straw.

“Yeah, tonight’s not the best night for celebrity sightings,” Liam said casually.

“The night is still young though,” I said.  He watched me as I raised my glass to him and took a sip.

“How is it?” he asked.

“Strong,” I answered as the gin coursed through my bloodstream.  I put the glass back on the bar.  He laughed.

“Yeah.  That’s how I roll.  You want to get your money’s worth, don’t you?  That drink is thirty dollars.”

“Good lord,” I exclaimed loudly.  He laughed again.  I spotted a bowl of peanuts on the bar a few seats down from us and reached over to pick it up.  If I was going to consume a strong alcoholic beverage, I needed something else in my stomach.  Liam saw me struggling to reach the bowl and picked it up.  He landed it right in front of me.  He watched as I took a handful of nuts and practically shoved them in my mouth.

“So seriously, if you aren’t here to gawk at celebrities, what are you here for?”

“To network,” Caroline said.  “You know anybody here that you could introduce us to?”

Liam bit his lip as he peered over at Caroline.  “This really isn’t that type of place.  Besides, I’m working.  I could point out a few people who you could accidentally on purpose bump into.”

“All right,” said Caroline.  “Who you got?”

Liam looked around the room carefully, scanning the crowd.  “Well,” he said finally, “You see that girl over there?”

We looked to where he was pointing and spotted a blonde in a light blue silk dress chatting with some friends at the opposite corner of the bar.

“Yeah.  What about her?” I asked as I inhaled a couple more peanuts.

“She’s the daughter of one of the top dogs at Paramount.  If you have a script you want read, she’d be your girl,” he said.  He paused for a moment, more to continue looking through the crowd than for dramatic effect.  He spotted someone else.

“And that guy with the leather jacket,” he said as he nodded his head in the guy’s direction.  He was talking animatedly to a group of people by one of the rolling gates. “He’s the son of some big record producer, I forget his name.  You got some songs written?  He may be your guy to sing them to.”

“I see,” I said.  “So, when you say you meet people here who could help you get ahead, you mean the sons and daughters of those people.”

“No, not always.  You want someone whose really in a position to help you?”

“Please,” said Caroline.

“It’s not as glamorous,” warned Liam.

“That’s fine,” I said.  “Who is it?”

He gestured across the room towards the area with the reserved booths.  Sitting in one of them was the same girl who we followed down the alley and into the club.  She was with the same arm tattooed guy and was having a hard time not sloshing her drink around everywhere.

“Well, we could definitely take advantage of that,” I joked.  “We just need to find out where she works and show up Monday morning insisting she offered us jobs.”

“Not her,” said Liam.  “Him.  He’s the executive assistant to Marnie Farnsworth.  That would be the vice head of production for 20th Century Fox.”

“Wow,” I said, legitimately impressed.

“Yeah.  He’s definitely got his finger on the pulse of the film industry.  Could get you places.  Be careful, though,” he warned.  “He loves helping out the young women who come into this town.  But it comes with a price, if you know what I mean.”

“You talking about me again?” a male voice boomed from behind us.  I jumped, startled by the guy who had seemingly yelled right into my ear.  I turned around, about to give him at the very least a dirty look, but once I laid eyes on him, all my anger just melted away.

This guy reminded me of what you dreamed the captain of the high school football team would look like at your ten year reunion.  Still fit, has grown into his looks and has ditched the braces.  He towered over us as we sat in our stools.

Liam fisted bumped the new guy and it became obvious in their interaction that they were friends.  “This is Sebastian Cross,” Liam said to us after a moment.  “Sebastian, these are my new friends.”

We introduced ourselves and I tried not to stare.  Sebastian flashed a brilliant smile as he shook our hands, his deep brown eyes almost dancing in the lights that hung low around the bar.

“So nice to meet you,” he said.

“Yes,” I stammered, suddenly very aware and embarrassed by my peanut breath.  “You too.”

“Cross…like Martin Cross?” Caroline asked.

“Yes,” said Sebastian as he flashed another killer smile.  “He is my father.”

Now I had two reasons to act like an idiot around him.  Not only was he gorgeous, he was also connected.

Martin Cross was a television producer who peaked in the late 80’s and early 90’s with shows like The Grovers, Three’s a Crowd and Ellen’s Place.  I had grown up watching them.  At one point, he was producing four that were on the air at the same time.  For the first time since I’d been in Los Angeles, I started thinking like Caroline and began to scheme about what we could possibly get from this chance meeting.  I glanced quickly over to her and could tell she was way ahead of me.  She stabbed the straw of her drink into the ice as she gave Sebastian the once over.

“And I wasn’t talking about you,” Liam said to Sebastian. He jutted out his chin towards the tattooed guy and his drunk date.  Sebastian turned and glanced at them.

“Ah yes, Mighty Mouse with yet another damsel,” Sebastian said as he turned back around.  Liam handed him a beer.

“He doesn’t look that small,” I said, trying to study him without staring.

“No, I mean he likes to help women get their foot in the door.  He makes them think he’s doing it out of the kindness of his heart, but sooner or later, he comes back to them wanting favors.”

“But isn’t that how it works?  I’ll scratch your back if you scratch mine type thing?” I asked.

“It is, but he’s not asking to have his back scratched.  He’s asking for something a little south of the border.”

“Ah.  Got it,” I said.

“Yes,” answered Sebastian.  “And it’s not like that kind of thing doesn’t happen, but believe me, it’s not how you want to get into this business.  Am I right?”

“Absolutely.  We draw the line with sexual favors,” said Caroline.

“Good.  Then stay away from that guy,” said Sebastian.  He raised his beer bottle towards me.  I picked up my martini glass and nearly sloshed it all over myself.

“To newfound unexpected friends,” he said.  We clinked glasses.

“Cheers,” I answered, and took another sip of my martini.

Sebastian took a sip of his beer and sat down in the empty seat next to me.  I turned to face him and for the first time noticed he had arrived with a few other friends, all guys.  They were cute but nowhere near as good looking as Sebastian.  It was then that I realized Liam had not saved the seats for us, he had saved them for these guys.  They didn’t seem to mind standing and were talking amongst themselves, drinks in hands.

“So, have you been enjoying Los Angeles thus far?” Sebastian asked me.

“How did you know I was new here?  Is it that obvious?” I asked.

“Knew it the second we met,” he answered, grinning.

“How?”

“You were eating the peanuts,” he said simply.  He gestured around the room with his beer.  “Look around,” he said.  “No one is eating the peanuts.  Particularly the girls.  You might as well have tattooed a sign on your forehead, I’m new here.”

“Wow.  This is embarrassing,” I said.  I took a sip of my drink.

“No, no, no.  I think it’s endearing.  You just have to be careful, that’s all.  You need to keep those newbie tells to a minimum.”

“Yeah, I’d do that if I knew what they were,” I said dryly.  Sebastian laughed.  It was a big booming laugh that reverberated throughout the entire room.

“Well, I just helped you with one,” he said.

“What are some other ones?” I asked.

“Don’t get too drunk.”

“Hence the peanuts,” I said and pointed to the bowl.

Sebastian laughed again.  “I think part of not getting too drunk means not being such a lightweight.  You got to get some stamina, girl.  How’d you get through college without being able to hold your liquor?”

“I’m holding it just fine,” I exclaimed.

“You’ve had what, like four sips?  It’s not even half empty, and you’re chowing down on those peanuts like your sobriety depends on it.”  He smiled at me, his eyes twinkling.  “I’m just having some fun with you, you know that, right?” he said.

“I know,” I answered.  I took a big sip of my drink as I watched him over the rim of my glass.

“Good,” he said amusingly.  “Now it’s just about half full.”

“Any other tips?” I asked.

He thought for a moment, then leaned in close to me.  He looked me right in the eyes.  “Don’t ever be intimidated by the other women.  I don’t care how skinny they are, how pretty they are or how expensive their clothes are.  Believe you are hotter than them.  It’ll go a lot further than any expensive dress.”  He lingered there for a moment, his nose just a few inches from mine.  For a split second I thought he was going to lean in to kiss me.  But then he pulled away and took a swig of his beer.

At that moment, I felt Caroline bump my elbow.

“You ready to go?” she asked.

“Uh, yeah in a second,” I said holding up my martini glass to indicate I wasn’t quite done.  Caroline nodded as if to say, Well then finish it.  This was a method of hers.  Get a guy interested, and then leave with them wanting more.  I always thought it was a gamble and I didn’t like doing it, though it almost always worked.  I stared at Caroline as I finished my drink to signify my doubt.

“You’re leaving already?” asked Sebastian disappointedly.

Caroline’s eyes snapped from him back to me as if to say, Ha!  It worked! I slid the olives from my glass off the toothpick and popped them in my mouth.

“I’m afraid so,” I said.  “Early workout tomorrow.”

“Can I…get your number or something?” he asked tentatively.

I smiled as I dug into my purse and looked for one of my business cards.  They were cheap looking and I was a little embarrassed to give him one.  But as I searched, I realized I didn’t have any.

“You can just text it to me,” he offered.

Then I remembered the card I’d been carrying in my back pocket.  I pulled it out, still a little bent.  Our shiny silver dollar.  I grabbed a pen from Liam’s shirt pocket and wrote my name and number on the front, right under the word Green.

“So you don’t forget where we met,” I said as I handed him the card.

“Oh, I don’t think I would,” he answered, and he slipped the card into his wallet.  At the same time he produced his own card, black with white ink.

“Just in case,” he said as he handed it to me.  “It was nice meeting you,” he added.

“Yes, you too,” I answered.  “Goodnight.”

He nodded back as I got up from the bar.  Caroline was sliding the bill back over to Liam, and I waited for her to gather her purse.  Then we were out the door.

“See ya around, B,” she said as we passed Balthazar.

“See ya around,” he responded flatly.

We walked back through the tunnel of darkness, only this time I wasn’t as nervous.  The gin must have helped with that, because I was able to keep up with Caroline quite easily.  In fact I felt like I could’ve just as easily outrun her.  It wasn’t until we got back out to the street that both of us started squealing with excitement from the experience we just had.

“I can’t believe it, do you know how connected Sebastian is?  And he’s cute.  And he’s interested in you!” Caroline exclaimed.  “This is perfect, just perfect.  You’ve got to play it cool when he calls you.”

“Let’s not get carried away,” I said, smiling in spite of myself.

“He’s going to call you,” Caroline said.  We continued to walk down the street in the direction of the car.

“Yeah, I have faith that he will,” I said.

We turned the corner onto the street we had parked on.  But as we approached the spot that our car was supposed to be parked, it wasn’t there.

“Is this the right street?” I asked.

“Yeah, this is where we parked,” said Caroline slowly.  We stood there for a moment, unsure about what to do.  For the first time that evening, Caroline looked down and checked out the curb.

“I’ll call information,” she said.  She got out her phone and started to dial, “It probably got towed.”

“Aha!” I said triumphantly.  “Maybe next time you’ll listen to me when I tell you we’re parking on a red curb.”


22
Nov 09

Chapter Three: The Day Job

Caroline was still chuckling about my stripper nipple incident as we were driving to work the next morning.  She had listened with rapt attention when I recounted my experience on the way home the night before, and proceeded to do exactly what I thought she would – tease me mercilessly about it until I almost regretted telling her in the first place.

She pulled into the garage and parked her navy blue Toyota Corolla in our usual parking space.  “I can’t believe I missed seeing it for myself,” she exclaimed, disappointed.

“I know.  It’s a travesty, really,” I said.

“Yes,” she agreed, ignoring my sarcasm.  “A real travesty.”

We climbed out of the car and walked the familiar route through the parking garage, past the Gelson’s Supermarket and up the stairs to the main level of the Century City Shopping Mall.

When our senior year of college started, Caroline and I began thinking about day jobs for us.  We wanted somewhere we could work together and share the same hours, since we only had the one car.  Preferably these hours were flexible so it was easy to get time off if a film industry opportunity presented itself.

Caroline had made an important discovery within the first month of exploring Los Angeles – The Coffee Bean and Tea Leaf.  She fell in love with their iced blended coffee immediately, so much so she was still standing in the store when she called me to rave about it.

“You’ve got to come out here and try this!” she exclaimed between strawfuls of her drink. “Coffee Bean is the best thing ever!”  I got a similar call when she found an In N Out Burger.  And a Jamba Juice.

Regardless of her obsession, she never thought of actually working in a Coffee Bean.  There weren’t any close to campus and thus not an extremely practical place of employment.  In the fall of our senior year, after enjoying three years worth of Coffee Bean beverages, she happened to be in one that had just opened between the Farmer’s Market and The Grove Mall.  The Grove, a very upscale outdoor shopping area, was itself newly built and Coffee Bean was merely one of several businesses trying to take advantage of the new hot spot.  This particular Bean was so new, its manager was still looking for employees.  On a whim, and egged on by the friends she was with, she filled out an application.  Before she knew what was happening, the manager got in touch with her and she was working three shifts a week.

Caroline did not like working at the Bean even though she was getting all the free coffee drinks she wanted.  The pay wasn’t that great and the stream of customers was so constant, there was absolutely no down time.  Her mood changed after she had been working there about two weeks and she called me very excited.

“You’ll never guess who just got coffee here,” she said quickly.

“I give up,” I answered.  I was cramming for an exam and had little patience for guessing games.

“Tobey Maguire,” she said.  “Can you believe that?”

I sighed.  I could believe that.  She was out in Los Angeles, after all.

“Isn’t that cool?” she went on after a moment of my silence.  “Apparently there are a lot of celebrities that shop here at The Grove.  I heard from this girl Caitlin who works at The Gap that she once helped Drew Barrymore pick out a sweater.  I love her, it would be so awesome if she came in here.”  She sighed longingly.

“Well, when she comes in, make her the best coffee she’s ever had.  Maybe she’ll like it so much she’ll give you a job,” I said offhandedly.

There was silence on the other end of the phone.  It was such a long silence, I thought we got disconnected.

“Hello?  Caroline?” I said.

“That’s not a bad idea,” she said finally.  I could hear her mental wheels turning.

“I was kidding,” I said.  “I have faith in your coffee making skills, but making an impression on one cup -”

“But what if it wasn’t just one?” she cut in.  “What if I – we – could make a good impression on regular clientele that happened to be in the movie business?  That could lead to a job, maybe.  Right?”

For the first time during this conversation, I picked my head up from my book and really took in what Caroline was saying.  She had a point.

Thirty seconds later I had put my book down, my laptop open and was looking at the Coffee Bean and Tea Leaf’s locations page of their website.

“Okay,” Caroline said, thinking aloud.  “We need a location that is near a large concentration of film biz people.”

“A studio lot,” I said suddenly, remembering my first visit to Caroline at school.  We did one of those trolley tours around Universal.

“Yes, good,” Caroline said.  “Let’s see if any Coffee Beans are around the major studios.  Warner Brothers, Paramount, Universal, Sony and Fox.  Let’s start with those.”

“All right,” I replied.  “Where is Warner Brothers?”

Caroline walked me through the list of studios one at a time.  She knew exactly where each one was.  She had taken advantage of the past three years in Los Angeles by visiting each of these studios at least once for free screenings, show tapings and tours.  It turned out many of the lots had Coffee Beans in the vicinity.  Caroline sighed into the phone, thinking.

“Which one do you think is best?” I asked her after a moment.  I couldn’t give her my opinion, I did’nt know enough about the geography of Los Angeles to be helpful.

“I think we should pick the Century City Mall location,” she said slowly.

“Okay.  Why?  Just curious,” I asked.

“Because, it is the only location in a mall,” she said.  “There’s a movie theater.  I think those things could attract even more studio people and multiply our opportunities.”  Caroline was all about multiplying opportunities.

She started devising a way to extract herself from The Grove location.  She became the perfect employee – always happily taking extra shifts, coming to work early and habitually cleaned the place spotless without being asked.  By the time spring semester started and she asked for the transfer, her manager liked her enough to make it happen but was sorry to see her go.  She didn’t waste time and paved the way for me to join her.  I’m not really sure what was involved, she wouldn’t tell me, but she made sure by the time I arrived that I had a job waiting for me.

After being in LA for a week, I was starting to enjoy crisp, dry sunny mornings like this.  The mall was completely still as we made our way down one of the open walkways towards Coffee Bean.  The layout of the mall was a giant square and all four sides were lined with your typical stores with a few unique shops sprinkled amongst them.  The movie theater, food court, and a small cluster of restaurants were on the northwest corner, and a Bloomingdale’s loomed in the mall’s center like a giant bull’s eye.

The Coffee Bean was tucked away from the general mall traffic at the dead end of a smaller avenue on the southwest corner.  Business wise it wasn’t the best location.  Coffee Bean sensed this and plastered ads about its existence all over the mall, but it didn’t help much.  It was great for us because our patrons were mostly regular customers from the surrounding area, including people from the Fox lot.

The bell on the glass door jingled as we breezed through it.  The door was unlocked, which meant our boss, Solomon, was already there.  He had arrived early to meet a drop-off of Coffee Bean paraphernalia.  He loathed coming in early for shipments like this, preferring to roll in midday and leave us to open and take on the morning crowd ourselves.

“Good morning, Solomon,” I called out cheerfully.

He popped his head out of the back room.

“Morning,” he replied, and gave me a short half-wave.  He was not a cheerful person.  He was short, with dark beady eyes and chestnut-colored hair, though he had nothing left of it but a few tufts on top.  His torso was thick and lumpy like a sack of potatoes, its irregular shape made the spaces between the buttons of his shirt gape open distastefully.  He didn’t seem to notice.

He slipped out of the back room as we went in to drop our bags and put our aprons on.  Our nametags and black aprons were the extent of our Coffee Bean employee uniform.  The drop-off must have already happened because the back room was stuffed full of cardboard boxes.

“How’d it go yesterday?” Caroline called out to Solomon as she put her apron strap over her head.  We had to ask for the day off to work on the movie and Solomon wasn’t too happy about it.  We were by far his most reliable employees and he took tremendous advantage by not being around during our shifts.  When his other rag-tag employees were working he didn’t allow himself that luxury.

“Fine,” he said evenly.  We both shimmied around the boxes and came back out into the store.  He stepped out from behind the counter.  “I trust you two are okay to open by yourselves?” he asked.  We nodded.  “Good,” he said, an obvious change in his tone.  “I’m going to go shopping down in Santa Monica.  I need new shoes.  Don’t forget to unpack the boxes,” he added.  With that, he made a beeline for the door and disappeared.

We opened a few minutes early out of sheer boredom.  It was a Saturday, and since most of the business people who came in worked Monday through Friday, we anticipated a slow morning.  After we opened the register, Caroline turned to me.

“You want to unpack the new shipment of merchandise?  We can create a new display.”

I sighed.  I liked creating a tower of water bottles as much as the next person.  But merchandise arranging was really Caroline’s thing.

“Okay, sure,” I said.

She headed to the back room while I cleared out the extremely thin existing displays.  Moments later, she expertly dollied out a stack of boxes and slashed open the top one with box cutters.  We proceeded to unpack the metal water containers that were neatly arrayed within.

“Do you find it ironic that these bottles are supposed to encourage people not to use plastic bottles, but they’re packed with enough Styrofoam to build a small village?” I asked about halfway through the arranging.  I handed a couple of bottles to Caroline.

“Mmm,” she said, not really listening.  She was in the zone – trying to align a row of bottles so if you looked at them from head on, the images stamped on the front of them looked collaged together.

“What’s next?” she asked when she had gotten the bottles just right.  I retrieved a new stack of boxes, and slashed open the top one as she had done.

“Tea,” I said when I saw what was inside.

“Oooh,” Caroline said excitedly as she rubbed her hands together.    The loose leaf teas were packaged in square tin boxes and thus it was very easy to create all kinds of fun shapes with them.  She was in the middle of building them to look like a castle rampart when the bell on the door jingled.

We turned to see our first customer of the day – a harsh-looking petite young woman.  She had very dark hair, wore big dark sunglasses and was dressed entirely in black, which made her pasty white skin look even pastier.  The only hint of color anywhere was her bright red lipstick.  She power walked up to the counter with her cell phone pressed to her ear, annoyed.

“No, no, no.  That’s not what we talked about……No, that’s not what she said, she said she’s get back to you.”

The woman looked around impatiently for assistance, not noticing us because we were obscured by the rampart of tea tins.  After losing a quick game of rock paper scissor to Caroline, I came around to the counter to take her order.

“Hang on one sec,” she said into the phone once she spotted me.  “Yeah,” she said.  “I need two large iced coffees, each with two Splendas.”  I rang her up and she paid.  When I went over to make the coffees, she sat down at a table and continued to talk on her cell phone.

“Look, Peter,” she said loudly.  “I don’t know what to tell you.  She’s not going to do it.  Especially not now, since you tried to back her into a corner……I don’t care, that’s the reality of the situation.  It’s important that you understand this.”

She was still talking on the phone when I signaled that her coffees were ready.  I think she saw me, but made no effort to get up, then finally gestured to me like she wanted me to bring them to her.  Coffee Bean had a strict policy about being a self-serve establishment.  Caroline constantly disregarded this rule as a means to impress our film business patrons.  I sighed exasperatedly.  Caroline caught my eye and gestured for me to bring them over to her.  I reluctantly came out from behind the counter and put the coffees on the table she was sitting at.  She looked at them, then at me, gesturing for a holder.  I grabbed one from the counter, secured her coffees, and she grabbed it then left.

“What was with Goth Chick?” Caroline asked as she cleared away the empty cardboard boxes, admiring her handiwork.

I shrugged.  “Have you seen here before?” I asked.

Caroline shook her head.  “No.  But she could definitely work in the business.  Had that vibe.”

Caroline was very adept at being able to tell which of our customers were film business people and which ones weren’t.  I was learning this subtle but useful skill and still had to defer to Caroline’s judgment when it came to picking them out.  “It’s not a hard science,” she had said to me after my first day working at Coffee Bean.  “It’s more of a gut feeling.  A heightened sense of things.”

I thought about this advice as I mulled over my interaction with the Goth Chick.  “But it’s a Saturday,” I said, trying to challenge Caroline’s assessment.

She shrugged.  “You never know.  Film people could come into work on a Saturday.”

“Yeah,” I agreed after a moment.  “I suppose that is true.”

Our customers for the rest of the morning were few and far between.  When we approached lunch time it started to pick up, and for about forty-five minutes we had a constant stream of customers getting their coffee fix while doing their Saturday shopping.  Solomon came back briefly and checked out our product displays.  By then we had done all of them and disposed of their packaging.  Seemingly satisfied with our work he left again, announcing he had lunch plans.

In a lull, Caroline and I were combing through The Hollywood Reporter and reading about the movies that were in production, when we heard the door bell jingle and a voice say, “Omigod, you are not going to believe this.”

We looked up towards the door.  Lee Barclay, the recently promoted assistant manager of Yankee Candle, was coming right for us in a huff.  He was armed with a magazine he had rolled up like he was about to smack someone with it.

Lee looked like a force to be reckoned with – he was incredibly tall and lanky and his hands were so large he could pick up a basketball using just one of them.  His hair was buzzed short against his scalp and he was, in his own words, the color of dark chocolate.  I speculated that may have even been his handle in some gay online chatroom circles.

When he got to us, he unrolled the magazine and held it up.  It was a People, Lee’s main source for news.  On the cover there was a picture of actress Jennifer Church with the headline It’s Time to Move On.  Underneath the main title was a subtitle, Jennifer Church Talks About Leaving Deacon’s Landing.

“The rumors are true then I guess,” I said, looking at the cover.

Jennifer Church was a blonde, blue-eyed, statuesque young woman who had a reputation for speaking her mind and often had to weather the media backlash by doing so.  She was the latest up-and-comer who had worked her way from obscurity to a hit TV show, then after a few seasons of it decided to leave to pursue a career in movies.  Her story wasn’t new, though I did like her on Deacon’s Landing – a show about a group of lawyers working at a Seattle firm.  I was bummed about her leaving it.  Once original cast members left my favorite shows, my interest in them usually waned.

Lee leaned against the counter and flipped through the magazine.  This was his ritual.  Every week, he came over to the Coffee Bean with the newest issue of People and read its entire contents aloud including the crossword.  He expected us to participate in his running commentary, regardless of how busy we were or if we were even interested at all.  Our schedule was irrelevant.

“Is Solomon here?  He mentioned he liked the show, I wanted to make sure he knew,” he said as if delivering the news that someone had just passed away.

“No, honey,” Caroline said.

“Oh.  Okay then,” Lee answered.

Solomon was Lee’s initial inspiration for coming over with People in the first place.  A couple of weeks after Caroline’s transfer, Lee came in to order a coffee and spotted Solomon reading the magazine.  He struck up a conversation with him about the cover story.  As a result of his avid interest in entertainment magazines including People, Lee was a human encyclopedia when it came to pop culture and had no problem making small talk.

Lee’s interest in Solomon didn’t seem to be anything more than a young gay man seeking the guidance and mentorship of an older one.  Caroline and I didn’t understand why Lee would pursue such a socially inept guy like Solomon for a relationship like that.  Nor did we get why Solomon wasn’t more flattered by a young and handsome guy like Lee being interested in him.   Solomon was not only not interested, but he even went so far as to avoid Lee when he came in, especially if he was armed with his People.

“He’ll be back later,” I said, trying to be helpful.

“Oh yeah, that’s fine,” Lee said, trying to hide his disappointment with a wave of his hand.  “I’ll see him another time.”  He walked glumly over to the table nearest us and sat down.

“You okay?” Caroline asked.

“It’s just so sad,” Lee said.  “Deacon’s Landing was one of my favorite shows, and she was my favorite character.  It won’t be the same.”  He sighed forlornly.

“Well, what other news does People bring this week?  Surely there has to be something good in there,” Caroline said cajolingly.

A small smile crept into the corner of Lee’s mouth.  He opened the magazine to the beginning, like a parent about to read a story to his child.  “Yes,” he said a bit more cheerful.  “There are lots of good things.”

A good chunk of the afternoon passed quickly thanks in large part to Lee’s readings.  Through surges of customers, refilling the napkin holders and even a mopping around the store, Lee soldiered on as steadily and animatedly as if he were performing a dramatic reading in front of a theater full of people.  The only interruptions were the half dozen text messages he got from his associate Rachel, who he had left to mind the store.  She was new and kept peppering him with questions about inane things, like where the pear scented tea light candles were or if they carried cider apple tapers in the 8 inch size.  By the time Lee was finished with People, he had reached his threshold with her idiocy and promptly let out an exasperated sigh, then left.

“Geez.  I’m starving,” Caroline said as Lee disappeared out the door.

“Me too,” I agreed.  Between work and listening to Lee’s stories, I had been too occupied to think about food.  That was very unlike me.

“What do you think?  Baja Fresh?” she asked.  I nodded.  She put out her hand for another round of rock paper scissors.

“That’s okay,” I said.  “I’ll get it.  I could use the walk.  Besides, it’s my turn to pay.  Your usual, right?”

“Please,” Caroline answered, and she lowered her hand.  “I’ll be here.”

I grabbed my wallet from the back room and slipped out the door.  Outside the confines of our store, the mall was bustling with shoppers and movie goers.  I navigated my way through them leisurely.  Normally I would be frustrated by their aimless meanderings, but instead I found myself savoring the fresh air and freedom.

Baja Fresh was in the food court.  It was by far Caroline’s favorite spot, though I didn’t understand what made it so special.  I preferred the sandwiches at California Crisp instead, because they carved turkey right off the breast.  I got my sandwich from there before heading to Baja Fresh for Caroline’s food.

When I got back to Coffee Bean several minutes later I found it as empty as I had left it, save for two young women with their backs to me that were talking to Caroline at the counter.  When Caroline noticed me, her face brightened and she gestured to both of them.

“Hey, look who’s here,” she said.

The two women turned, though I knew before seeing their faces who they were, and I was not as enthusiastic about seeing them as Caroline was.  Lola and Gigi Jardin were cousins who co-managed their uncle Laurent’s store called Le Jardin Boutique.  It was located on the other end of the mall.

Lola and Gigi looked alike.  Both had raven black hair, heart-shaped faces and porcelain skin.  Their wardrobe was always put together and their hair and make-up were expertly done.  But that was where the similarities stopped.  Gigi was the older of the two, she was in her late twenties.  Her hair was straight, falling to just below her shoulders, and her eyes were a piercing pale gray.  She was average height and solidly built with broad shoulders and a generous bust line.  Lola was younger, slighter and taller than her cousin.  Her hair flowed down her back, her side swept bangs always pinned behind one ear.  Her eyes were a deep brown and just as piercing as Gigi’s.

“Hey, Lola.  Gigi,” I said casually as I came around the counter and handed Caroline her food.  The Jardins looked me carefully up and down and nodded hello back, but said nothing.

Caroline became fast friends with Lola and Gigi soon after she started working at the Century City Mall location.  She was excited for us all to meet.

“I told them about you,” Caroline said to me on my first walk through the mall to the Coffee Bean.  “They should be in sometime today so you can meet them.”  About midday they strolled in.

“Hey, girls!” Caroline called to them from the counter.

But they weren’t paying attention.  They were checking out a woman heading out the door as they were coming in.

“Oh, no.  No,” said Lola as she turned to watch her go past them.  “She’s wearing leggings as pants.”

“I know,” said Gigi as if it was obvious and extremely annoying.   “Leggings are not pants!” she called out to the woman as she was halfway out the door.  The woman stopped and looked at them strangely.  In addition to black leggings, she wore a short red canvas jacket cinched at her waist and hit her just below the hip.  Peeking out under it was a long white knit shirt that barely covered her rear end.   She also had on black Ugg boots.  I had barely noticed her attire until now, and though she did look put together I agreed the leggings were a mistake.  Still, the scrutiny was a little over the top.

“Yeah, we’re talking to you,” Lola stated and she stepped towards her.  The woman half flinched, like she expected Lola to throw a punch.  Instead, Lola reached into her purse and produced a business card.

“We have a store, Le Jardin Boutique.  You should come by if you don’t have anything acceptable to wear and you have to resort to those.”  She gestured to the woman’s leggings as if they were something very unpleasant.  The woman, at a complete loss of words, gingerly took the card and backed out of the store.

I was immediately aware of what I was wearing as they approached the counter.  I had on khaki pants and a sky blue button down shirt, pretty simple and hopefully not worth any negative attention.  Caroline acted like the whole exchange about the leggings never happened and introduced us eagerly.

“I am so glad you’re all meeting,” she said brightly as we shook hands after our introduction.  Lola and Gigi studied my face.  It felt like they was critiquing it the way they had that woman and I could feel myself flush.  Then their eyes travelled down to take in my whole ensemble.

“Potential,” Lola said softly to Gigi.  Gigi nodded and I shifted my weight uncomfortably.

“You are quite a find,” she said to me.  I didn’t know what she meant and my confusion must have read on my face.  “You’re rough around the edges,” she went on.  “But you’re pretty.  You have great hair and bone structure.  I think we can help you.”

“Help me with what?” I asked, still unclear as to where they were going with all of this.

“With your makeover,” Lola said.

“Oh, no thanks,” I said quickly.  “I’m fine, thank you.”

“Caroline says you’re trying to get into the film business.  If you want to make it here, you need a makeover.  Trust me,” Gigi said.

“Really, I am okay,” I assured them.

They let the issue go.  But ever since then they always looked at me like they were now – imagining what they would do if I let them get their manicured hands on me. I didn’t like it, but was learning to deal.  Caroline thought they must have useful connections and could get us into the exclusive Hollywood hotspots since their uncle was a fashion designer.  That was one of the reasons why Caroline befriended them in the first place.

“What’s new?” I asked the Jardins as I opened the cardboard box my sandwich was in.

Lola shrugged.  “We’re officially at war with Bloomingdale’s,” she said matter-of-factly.

“Why’s that?” I asked, trying to sound interested.

“Because,” Gigi cut in.  “They don’t support small businesses.  Why can’t they just leave us alone?”

“What happened?” Caroline asked, truly concerned.

“Lola and I were just trying to drum up some business for ourselves.  They were being incredibly unfair about the whole thing,” Gigi said.

“Wait a minute,” Caroline interrupted.  “Did you go in there to try and steal their customers?  Again?”

That was a sight to picture.  Lola and Gigi in Bloomingdale’s calling out to customers that the clothing they were looking at was ugly and they should leave it to shop at their store.

“We weren’t stealing customers,” Lola said as if it were perfectly obvious.

“That’s right,” Gigi agreed.  “We were merely telling some of them that our store is very reasonably priced, and if they can’t find what they are looking for, they should visit us and we could give them a great deal.”

Caroline sighed, trying to hide a smile.

“And they threw us out!  Can you believe that?” Lola retorted.

“No, that’s…unbelievable,” Caroline said, managing to keep a straight face.

“Why don’t you just advertise outside in the common areas of the mall?” I asked.  They stared at me like this was not even an option.

“Because,” said Gigi, “People in Bloomingdale’s are more of a sure thing.  They are shopping for women’s clothes.  That is what we sell.  It’s less of a crap shoot.”

“Well, I guess you’re going to have to be more stealth about it,” I said.  “There are tons of clothing racks to hide in, I bet you two could sneak in there if you needed to.”

Lola and Gigi looked at me, smiles spreading across their faces.  “That’s true,” Gigi said.  “We just have to be stealth.”

“Like ninjas,” Caroline put in. She and I exchanged glances as they both pondered this thought.

“Well, we should get back to the store,” said Lola after a moment.  She turned to leave.

“Wait a sec,” Gigi called to her.  She looked at us carefully.  “What are you two doing tonight?”

“Nothing,” Caroline shot at her before I could answer.  “We are wide open.”

Gigi reached into her purse and pulled out a card.  To my utter surprise, she handed it to me.  On one side of the thick stock was one word in olive-colored embossed ink.  Green.  I flipped the card over and there was an address handwritten written on the back.

“Show that card to the guy at the door and ask for Liam,” she said.

“What is this place?” I asked.  Gigi rolled her eyes at me then eyed the card, like she was thinking about grabbing it back.

“It’s a club,” she said through slightly gritted teeth.

“Oh,” I said like I just had a brain fart and had suddenly remembered.  “Right.  Green.  The club.”

I could feel Caroline shift uncomfortably beside me.

“I know it,” she said quickly to Gigi.

“Well, show that to the bouncer at the door.  Ask for Liam.  Don’t get there before 9:30.”

“You got it,” Caroline said.

“You remember our deal, right?” Gigi asked Caroline.

Caroline nodded vigorously.

“Good,” Gigi said.  “Have fun tonight.”  With that, she and Lola disappeared out of the store.

“How many free drinks did you promise them for this?” I asked after a moment as I held up the card.

“Unlimited for a week,” she replied.

“Hm,” I said.  “Well, I think you overpaid.”

“We’ll see what becomes of the evening,” she said.  “It may have been the deal of a lifetime.”


18
Oct 09

Chapter Two: Partner in Crime

Most parents pass along the things they love to their children.   Mine were no exception and thus, they were the unwitting source of my desire to get into the movie business.  They loved movies – they enjoyed watching them as a past time and had their favorites and opinions about which ones were worth seeing in the theaters and which ones were rentals, the way most people did.  But for me, it wasn’t like that.  From a very young age, movies stuck with me in a much more profound way.

The reason for my intense connection with film was I yearned for the adventure and excitement created by the stories told in the movies I watched.  I wished the environments were real, the characters existed, and the things that happened to them actually happened.  Not only that, but I wanted to experience all these things for myself.  Sometimes I imagined that I was a new character and would make up my own storyline and relationships to the preexisting characters, other times I pretended to be someone who already existed within the story.  I knew, however, that no matter how much I wanted to be a part of these stories, and how much I wanted them to be real, they weren’t.  There was no way to experience movies the way I wanted to, save for one option – to get into the business and be a witness to their making.  By doing that I could be on the sets, meet the actors and get to see firsthand how the yarns of cinematic story get spun.  When I was young, I thought everyone responded to film this way, and it wasn’t until I was a little older that I realized this wasn’t the case.  I was different.

I grew up far away from the bright lights of Hollywood in the town of Concord, Massachusetts, about fifteen miles northwest of Boston.  My parents raised me and my younger sister, Abby, in an old medium-sized grey colonial house with black shutters and a slate roof.  It stood proudly at the end of a quiet crescent shaped street that was just off a main road, part of a cluster of small meandering lanes enveloped by dense woods.  It was a great place to grow up.

From the inside out, we looked and acted like your average suburban American family.  My mother, Barbara, taught geometry at a local private high school.  On the weekends she tutored kids in SATs.  She also had a knack for sewing and would earn a little extra money by making home furnishings – curtains, slipcovers, quilts, things like that.  She was always working on a project of some kind and was happiest when she was busy.  She didn’t like being idle.   She was pretty but not in a refined way – her beauty was natural and she didn’t believe in enhancing her looks by wearing a lot of make-up.  She had chestnut brown hair that fell just below her shoulders, though it was seldom down.  Her dark blue eyes were small and piercing, she had a sloped pointed nose and a strong jaw line.  She was tall for a woman, over five feet nine inches, which she was very proud of, and kept her slender figure by staying active and going to the gym regularly.  She was a loving mother but also firm in her discipline.

Her cinematic influence on me when I was young was mostly musicals.  Her movie tastes were a lot wider than the musical genre alone, but she had a soft spot in her heart for them.  Perhaps they were a love that was passed on to her from her parents.  Musicals were the perfect way to introduce us kids to films that weren’t specifically targeted to our age group.  They had singing and dancing in them and their content was G or PG rated.  Before Hannah Montana and High School Musical, there was Fred Astaire and Ginger Rogers, Gene Kelly, Julie Andrews, Audrey Hepburn and Barbra Streisand.  Often Abby and I took it upon ourselves to watch the movies multiple times until we knew the music by heart.

My father’s name was John.  He was a tower of a man, standing well over six feet and solidly built.  He had a ruddy complexion and crystal blue eyes set in a smooth round face.  As a building contractor he spent a lot of time outside, but aside from his complexion the only telling sign was his hands.  They were large and muscular and very rough to the touch.  He was outwardly gruff, sometimes it was easily to misconstrue as rudeness or anger and because of his size he could be quite intimidating.  This was just on the surface, however.  Once you got to know him, he was a kind person and great father.

My father loved movies of the action adventure persuasion.  Abby and I had him to thank for rounding out our cinematic education with movies like the Back to the Future trilogy, Indiana Jones, and Star Wars.  I can still remember him first talking about Raiders of the Lost Ark.  We were sitting around the dinner table and he was describing the scene where Indiana and Marion were trapped in the temple and there were snakes coming out of the walls.  We were sold on the movie from that scene alone and begged him to take us to the video store so we could rent it.  We triumphed quickly.

Despite my hunger for adventure, I was very much an introvert.  I depended on my intense imagination to satisfy my craving and never actively sought it outside the confines of my own house.  Aside from reading and watching movies, my outlet became writing stories of my own.  Without realizing it, I isolated myself and I grew up not having many friends.  Abby and I were always close and for much of my early childhood I didn’t have anyone else.  My parents worried about me not having friends.  They tried numerous ways to get me to engage with kids my own age.  On my ninth birthday they bought me a cheap camcorder.  They thought since my desire to be around filmmaking was so strong and you can’t make a movie by yourself, having it would motivate me to reach out to the neighborhood kids and ask them to be in my movies.  This was a very good strategy but it proved ineffective.  After making a few little films by myself starring my stuffed animals, the novelty of it wore off and it was cast into my closet.  Eventually I forgot about it.

One late summer day about a year later, our doorbell rang.  School was still far enough away that we couldn’t count the days without using more than two hands.  The nights were beginning to cool down enough so you could open the windows, but you needed more than a sheet to keep you warm.  That particular day was warm and dry with a soft breeze which made the lilies that lined our front walk sway gently.  My mother called up the stairs to me to answer the door.  She had been bustling around the kitchen most of the morning, something I didn’t really think twice about until that moment.  I reluctantly left the book I was reading and did as I was told.  I swung open our front door, on the other side of the screen was a tall, elegant woman with smooth red hair that was pinned neatly in a bun at the nape of her neck.  She wore a pale yellow sundress with small blue flowers on it and simple white flats.  She smiled at me through the screen in a motherly sort of way.

“Hello,” she said kindly.  “I’m Celia, I’m a new friend of your mother’s.  And this is my daughter, Caroline.”  She reached over and pulled on something to her right side, beyond where I could see.  When her hand came back into view it was holding the arm of a young girl about my age.  Celia pulled her in front of herself on the stoop until she and I were nose to nose, just the screen door keeping us apart.

I immediately saw the purpose of this visit and my mood soured instantantly.  This was my mother’s newest tactic to try and get me to make friends – she would invite other mothers over to our house for snacks with their children who just happened to be my age.  Thus far, it hadn’t worked out well.  Most often it led someone to tears and that someone was usually me.

“We just moved in, we live on the next street over,” Celia continued.  My mood must have read on my face, because she said this in that tone adults have when they are trying to cajole a child out of an ornery state of mind.

I studied Caroline through the screen.  She had red hair, like her mother’s, which was put up in a half ponytail.  It was long, super fine and stick straight.  It looked like someone, undoubtedly Celia, had run a comb hastily through it, but the ends were still knotted a little.  Her face was round with just a handful of freckles over the apples of her cheeks and she wore a sundress similar to her mother’s, only hers was blue with darker blue flowers.  The dress was creased in odd places like it had never been worn before and because of the breeze I could smell its perfumed scent, like it had just come from a children’s boutique.

My mother came to the door then, quite horrified that our guests were still standing outside.

“Please, come in,” she said hastily.  She gave me a disapproving look as she opened the screen door and Caroline and Celia stepped into the house.

“Caroline moved into the red house on Maple Street.  You two are going to be in the same class next year, isn’t that nice?” my mother said in the same tone Celia had used on me moments earlier.  I didn’t answer.  I felt Caroline’s eyes on me now, and I turned to look at her.  She was studying me curiously.

“How about some lemonade and pizza English muffins?  I have some in the kitchen.  Homemade,” my mother said.

“Sure,” agreed Celia.  We all followed my mother in the kitchen.

My mother did not enjoy cooking.  True, spooning marinara sauce on English muffins then topping them with sliced cheddar cheese and sticking them in the toaster oven hardly constituted as cooking in most people’s minds.  Still the effort was exerted and thus, in my mother’s opinion, she had cooked.  It wasn’t that she was horrible in the kitchen.  She just didn’t care for it.  When she really took the time, she was actually very good.  Her pizza English muffins and lemonade were a testament to that fact.

She served the little pizzas on the good serving platter.  The four of us sat around the kitchen table.  My mother and Celia did not partake in the pizza, but they did sip lemonade, drinking it the way adults do when they are playing tea party with children and don’t really care to drink anything, but do it anyway to humor their host.  This put me in a worse mood because it only made it that much clearer to me why Caroline and her mother were in our house.  Caroline munched on her little pizza and slurped her lemonade.  Our mothers talked about inane things, like the weather and the route of our mailman. Once in a while they would try to engage Caroline and I in the conversation.

“You looking forward to going to a new school, Caroline?” my mother asked.  Caroline shrugged.

“I guess,” she said.

“Her last school wasn’t the right fit for her,” Celia added.  “We’re all looking forward to the change, aren’t we Caroline?”

Caroline looked at her mother over the rim of her glass as she gulped down the last of her lemonade.

“It will be nice having a classmate living so close by,” my mother said in my direction.

Caroline looked at me intently, then did something I was not expecting.  She reached over to me, cupping her hand against my ear.

“Do you want to go play?” she asked in a hoarse whisper.  I had never been asked this question before in this way, usually my mother was the one to shoo me and my forced playmate away from the snacks so we would go play an ill-fated game of Chutes and Ladders or whatever.  This was an unexpected change of pace, and I found myself wanting to say yes.  I nodded to Caroline and crammed the rest of my pizza English muffin into my mouth.

“We’re going to go play,” I said to my mother with my mouth full as I hopped down from my chair.  Both my mother’s and Celia’s faces lit up like Christmas trees.

“Okay, great!” my mother exclaimed.  I led the way out of the kitchen and up to my room, Caroline following close behind me.

Minutes later, Caroline was in my room checking out all my stuff.  I was somewhat particular about the arrangement of my things in my room, and I thought having her touching everything would be upsetting, but Caroline seemed to be sensitive to this and was very careful to put things back the way she found them.  She quickly opened my closet, the only place in my room I didn’t keep neat and wouldn’t care if she went through.  She rifled through all sorts of old games and art projects.  Soon she found my camera and held it up like she had uncovered buried treasure.

“Is this a movie camera?” she asked, examining it.

“Yeah,” I answered.

“Cool!” she exclaimed.  “Does it work?”

“Yep,” I said.

“Do you use it?” she asked.

“No, not really,” I said.  She looked at me with her mouth open, then back down at the camera.

“We should do something with it.  Like make a movie.  You want to make a movie?” she asked excitedly.

I stared at her apprehensively, not sure whether or not she was serious.  I had dreamed about being in movies and working on them, but at that time it was in the way I wished that I could fly or turn invisible.  It seemed like such an impossible dream and I didn’t really think it could turn into a reality.  Now this person in front of me, this skinny, made-to-wear-a-dress-by-her-mother waif with bandaids on her knees opened a door that I never even knew existed.  She looked back at me earnestly.

“We can’t make a movie by ourselves,” I said.

“You don’t have friends who would want to be in a movie?” she asked.

I hesitated.  I didn’t want to say that was indeed the case, because it made me sound like a friendless loser.  I opened my mouth to make up some kind of excuse, but when I couldn’t think of one, I closed it again.

Caroline didn’t say anything, but gave herself a little nod as if understanding the answer to her question without me needing to give an answer.  I shifted uncomfortably, not liking feeling so vulnerable but at the same time liking the fact that my new friend could understand something about me without me actually having to say it.

“Your neighborhood has a lot of kids in it,” she said.  “Why don’t we ask them?”

“Oh no,” I said, shaking my head.  “They wouldn’t want to.”

“How do you know?  C’mon.  I bet they’d be in our movie.”  With that, she swung the camcorder onto her shoulder and strode out of my room.  I followed her down the stairs.

“But-” I tried protesting as she swung open our front door.  She looked back at me.

“What?  You want to make a movie, don’t you?” she asked.

“Yes, but we need a story,” I said.  “We can’t just go out and film stuff.”

“Why not?” Caroline asked.

“Because, we need a plan,” I insisted.

I didn’t know it then, but this moment was what would become the very basis of our friendship dynamic.  Caroline studied me for a moment, then took my camcorder off her shoulder and came back into the house.

“Okay, fine,” she said.  “Then let’s make a plan.”  I smiled as she handed the camcorder back to me.  I was to find out later that she didn’t always give in so easily, and this was a big exception to the rule.

“Let’s go back to my room,” I said.  “I’ve got some ideas for movies up there.”

“Really?” she said surprised.

I shrugged.  “Yeah.  I have lots of ideas.  It could be fun.”

“Okay,” she agreed.  She followed me as we climbed back up the stairs to my room.

In the weeks that followed, Caroline and I found a story to make into a movie.  Initially she didn’t really care what the story was and left that up to me.  But as soon as I chose one I liked she started to put in her two cents, and before I knew it, what was once my idea was suddenly ours.  Our movie was going to be about a girl who was able to see ghosts and she helps one of them reach out to her living sister.  Both our mothers were extremely pleased with themselves that we were becoming friends, something I initially detested, but realized the benefit when they offered to help with our project.  My mother made the costumes and Caroline’s mother bought us a brand new tripod for our camera and helped make some of our props.

When it came time to actually shoot, we had everything we needed.  Caroline had recruited our “cast” – neighborhood kids mostly, who Caroline had negotiated to pay with her mother’s cookies.  We had costumes and other equipment and my father had gotten permission for us to shoot in the local cemetery, which was one of our main locations.  We spent two whole weekends filming and when we were done, Caroline’s father helped us put it together.  Though our parents had a huge part in our successful completion of our film, it still felt like our own.  When it was over, we screened it in Caroline’s house, since she had the bigger TV, for everyone who was involved.  Shortly after that we began scheming about our next project.

As we got older, our parents’ involvement became less and less. What they once were responsible for was taken over by us or our ever growing group of friends.  Being involved in our films became somewhat cool, and even though neither Caroline nor I ventured into the so-called “popular” strata of middle or high school life, we had plenty of friends and our social status didn’t matter much to us.  I was happy, really happy, for the first time in my life.  And it wasn’t just because of my circle of friends; it was because Caroline inspired me to visualize a career in the film industry.  My parents may have sparked my desire to be in the movie business, but it was Caroline who showed me it could actually be my reality.

When we started applying to colleges, we hoped to go to film school together.  We applied to the same schools but when Caroline got into the University of Southern California film school and I did not, it seemed like suicide to both of us for her not to go.  I wasn’t about to deny her the opportunity to go just because I hadn’t gotten in.  We agreed that her being in Los Angeles would benefit both of us, so she went to USC and I went to Boston University.  Before we even set foot on our respective college campuses as freshman, our plan always was steadfast – after graduation, I would move out to Los Angeles and we would both find jobs in the film industry, helping each other succeed in any way we could.  Throughout my college years that plan was always in the back of my mind no matter how much I was enjoying myself.  The idea of leaving my family and everything I knew normally would have terrified me, but as the time came to go I became more and more excited.  The adventure I had been waiting my whole life to start was finally happening.  And I was ready for it.


04
Oct 09

Chapter One: Coffee, Buns and Strippers (Part II)

I didn’t go back outside until lunch time.  The crew ate at tables and chairs that were set up in the parking lot.  A caterer delivered the food and today it was Italian.  Apparently it had been Italian for quite a while because the crew was grumbling about it.  I was so hungry I didn’t care what it was, and loaded up my plate with a little bit of everything.  I saved a seat for Caroline, who I had barely seen since we parted ways that morning, but I quickly learned she wasn’t coming.

“She’s back over by the trailers, giving the actors their lunch,” Jess said as she sat down to eat.

“Is she coming after she’s done?” I asked.

“No,” Jess answered, annoyed.  “She has to stay back there, that’s her job.”

I made another plate of food equally heavy as mine and took both over to the trailers.  I found Caroline sitting on the steps of one of them, her elbows on her knees and her chin in the palm of her hands.  When she saw me, she got up and took the plate I handed her.

“Thanks,” she said gratefully.  We sat on the steps and started to eat our lunch.

“How’s your morning been?” I asked.  Caroline grunted disapprovingly.

“The Bun is a bitch,” she said as she put a bite of ziti in her mouth.

“Who?” I asked.

“Jess,” she said, stabbing another bite with her fork.  “I call her The Bun.  That thing is ridiculous, it makes me want to grab it and shake it really hard.”

She mimed shaking an invisible bun, her fork still in one hand.  The piece of chicken parmesan that was on the end of it flew off and landed in the gutter, but Caroline didn’t seem to notice.

“All I’ve done all day is take orders from her,” she continued.  “Go get this actor a coffee.  Go bring this actor to hair and makeup.  She just tells me what to do all day long.  And I don’t really think I need to be here, she’s just doing it to be mean.  She’s a mean, self entitled jerk.  I don’t think the actors even like her.”  We ate in silence for a few minutes, Caroline shoveling her lunch in her mouth like she hadn’t eaten in days.

“Hey easy there,” I said, gently catching her eating arm.  “Do you remember your eighth grade pizza party?  Slow down.”

Caroline lowered her fork hand and chewed her bite slowly.  We sat eating in silence for a moment.

“How was your morning?” she asked after a while.

“I got the director a coffee.  That’s pretty much all I did,” I said.  “He’s mean too.”

“Great,” Caroline said sarcastically.

After lunch, I walked over to the trash can in the parking lot to throw away my plate.  Josh approached me as I chucked it in.  It was the first time I had really seen him since he handed me off to Damon at the beginning of the day.  He had come to set a few times throughout the morning, flitting in and out with pieces of paper to show to Alex and they would go off into a corner of the hall and discuss things in low voices.  Their meetings would break up and Josh would leave, managing a tired smile as he passed me and looking more stressed than when he initially came in.

“How did it go this morning?” he asked.

“Okay, I guess,” I answered.

“That’s good,” he said as if not really caring about my answer.  “Listen, you should know that we are done with the scenes in the private room and will be moving onto the big scene in the main room when we are back from lunch.”  He checked his watch.  “Which is in about three minutes.  I know the strippers got ready this morning, but you should make sure they are really ready now that we are actually on to their scene.”

“All right, no problem,” I said.  Josh nodded, satisfied, and I walked over to the strippers table.  They had been getting increasingly restless throughout the morning and a couple of them had found me at my lock up and complained about not being used, so I was glad to tell them they wouldn’t have to wait much longer.  They seemed receptive to this news, and got up from their table to get ready.

Three minutes later, the crew was moving all the equipment that was in the private room hallway out into the main room.  The main room wasn’t quite what I had pictured.  I was expecting a stage along a wall with a runway jutting out into the audience seating with a couple of stripper poles.  Instead, this stage was small and round with a pole in the middle.  It was in the center of the room, with seating all the way around.  Alex saw me looking around the room and beckoned me to him.

“Are the strippers getting ready?” he asked me when I got to him.

“Yes, that’s what I told them to do,” I answered.

“Good,” he said.  “When they’re ready, let me know.  Zach wants to get a look at them before we bring them to set.  You should line them up in their dressing room and make sure they have robes on.”

“Okay.  They don’t mind being naked,” I said, trying to be helpful.

“No, they need to have their robes on.  It’s important,” he insisted.

“Okay, sure.  No problem,” I said.  Alex nodded.

A little while later, the strippers were robed and assembled in a line, shoulder to shoulder, in their dressing room.  I told Alex that they were ready.  When he brought Zach in, I immediately understood the importance of the robes.  He looked at them like it was taking every ounce of willpower not to do something inappropriate.  He checked out each woman carefully, with Alex by his side ready to intervene if he had to.

“You,” Zach said, pointing to the short curvy blonde.  “What can you do?”

“What do you mean?” she asked.

“Do you have any special skills, or a signature move or something?” he asked.

“I’m really good on the pole,” she offered.  “I can climb really high and slide down the pole upside down.”

This piqued Zach’s interest.  He turned to Alex as if he wanted to nudge him and say, I want to see that.  Don’t you want to see that?  But Alex just glared at him.  Zach turned back at the curvy blonde and said in as a professional a voice that he could muster, “Well, why don’t you show me what you got.  Maybe we’ll use it.”

“Okay,” she agreed.

“Do you need music or something?” Zach asked.

“It would help, yeah,” she said.

Zach turned to Alex, who then got on his walkie.  “Hey guys, let’s find the owner, we need to use the house sound system.”

Word got out faster than you could say “stripper pole” that there was going to be an audition.  Practically the entire crew gathered to watch as Damon found the club owner, who showed him how to work the sound system.  The curvy blonde, whose name was Cindy, walked casually onto the stage, her thin robe flowing behind her.

“You ready, Cindy?” Alex called to her once Zach settled in his chair.

“Just a sec,” she called back.  She took her robe off and threw it onto an unoccupied seat close to the stage.  Now she was wearing nothing but a G string.  Murmurs rippled through the crowd, but she didn’t seem to care.  I glanced over at Alex, the only one in the room whose eyes weren’t on Cindy.  His eyes were closed and he was rubbing his temples.

Cindy drew a deep breath, then grabbed onto the pole with both hands, wrapping her legs around it.  She then shimmied up the pole until her head was just brushing the ceiling.  She perched up there for a moment, her hands touching the pole lightly.  The only thing holding her up there was her legs and buttocks.  I had to admit, it was pretty impressive.

“Okay, I’m ready,” she called out.  Alex stopped rubbing his head and looked up.

“Okay, Damon.  Hit the music.”  Damon did as he was told and the music came up.  It was Low by Flo Rida.  Cindy took her hands off the pole completely, then arched her back and slowly bent backwards until she was completely upside down on the pole.  Very slowly and controlled, she slid down hands free until her hair touched the floor of the stage.  Then she did this half cartwheel thing to right herself again.  The rest of her routine was what I expected, though admittedly the flexibility required for most of her moves was impressive.  Zach sat in his chair, thoroughly enjoying himself.  When the music stopped, Cindy took it upon herself to end her routine.  Visibly disappointed, Zach got up from his chair.

“That was great, thank you,” he said.  He turned to Alex.  “I think we can start on her,” he said.  “We’ll start on her, on that pole upside down move thing, then the camera will pan off of her and we’ll start the dialogue with the actors down here by the edge of the stage.”

Alex nodded.  “Okay,” he said.  Then, addressing the crew he called out, “Let’s get going people, we’re starting to fall behind schedule.”

Now that the show was over, everyone reluctantly got to work.  Cindy was the only stripper we needed for the time being and Alex told me she was my responsibility.  I was in charge of making sure she was ready to go, so when camera was ready, we weren’t waiting for her.  I wasn’t really sure how to accomplish this short of following her around, so that’s what I ended up doing.  She was a very good sport about me stalking her.

“All right,” Alex said on the walkie after a while, “We should get Cindy ready to…do her thing.”

“Copy that,” I said.  I had learned some walkie lingo over the course of the day, and the word “copy” was one of them.  I felt a little weird saying it, but realized that I had to get over it since everyone said it without a problem.

I turned to Cindy.  We were outside and she was talking to the same ponytailed sound guy that was teasing me earlier about making coffee.  “Cindy, we’re ready for you inside.”

“Oh, right,” she said, stopping amid her story about flashing a police officer because she didn’t think he was a real cop.  She turned to the ponytail guy.  “I guess we’ll finish the story another time.”  She turned to go back inside and he stared at me, annoyed.  I shrugged.

“Just one of my responsibilities,” I said to him.  “Get the stripper ready.  Right there with getting people coffee.”

Moments later, Cindy and I were in the main room on the floor, waiting for Alex to give the word for her to climb up the pole.  I looked around.  The actors were getting their final hair and makeup touch ups while Zach yammered on his cell phone about some big party he was “hitting” that weekend.  What a tool.

“Will we be ready soon?” Cindy asked.

“Looks that way,” I said, trying to sound like I knew what I was talking about.

“Okay,” she answered.  She tossed her robe onto a nearby chair and was once again just wearing G string.  She reapplied her lipstick and put the tube back in her robe pocket, then fluffed up her hair.

“So, have you been in the business long?” she asked.

I turned to her to answer her question, but I was afraid my eyes would fall somewhere that would seem inappropriate, so I turned quickly away again.

“Not long,” I said, trying to sound casual.  “I’ve only been in Los Angeles for a week, actually.”  I felt silly not looking her in the face.  Silly and rude.  I knew that she didn’t have a problem being naked in public and that it was completely my own insecurities.  Still, I couldn’t quite get over it and pretended that something across the room was extremely interesting.

“Where did you come from?” she asked.

“The Boston area,” I answered.

“You’ve got really great skin,” she said.  “I wish I had skin like yours.  I think I’d have to quit smoking though, I’m not ready for that.”

“Thank you,” I said.

“What are you looking at?” she asked.  She tried to follow my gaze.  This is ridiculous, I thought.  I decided to stop being an idiot and shifted my gaze so I was making eye contact with her.

“Nothing,” I said quickly.  “I thought I saw my friend Caroline, but it wasn’t her.”  There was a brief silence.

“How long have you been…in the business?” I asked.

“Well, a while now, I guess.  Three years, I think.”  She stood there with no clothes on talking as casually as she would if we were standing in line for a movie, about how she got into stripping when she was in college and originally only meant it as a means to put herself through law school.  I cursed my sheltered upbringing and lack of knowledge when it came to stripper etiquette.  I began to question whether or not it was polite not to look.  After all, Cindy was topless and it was her choice to do so.  Was going to a strip club and not checking out a topless stripper’s rack like going to a jazz club and not listening to the music?  Did she expect me to look, if only for a moment until my eyes found her face?  These were all questions that I wanted the answers to.  I wondered if four years of college in LA made Caroline any wiser than I on the subject.

It was then I realized I hadn’t heard a thing Cindy had been saying.  I prayed that my eyes didn’t glaze over and gave me away.

“Okay, we’re ready for Cindy!” I heard Alex’s voice say in my ear.

“Oh, thank God,” I muttered to myself.

“I’m sorry, what did you say?” Cindy asked.

“They’re ready for you,” I said.

“Oh, right,” Cindy answered.  She left me and walked out onto the stage.  She climbed up the pole.

“All right folks.  We are rolling camera,” said Alex.  Cindy did her move, as perfect as it had been on her audition.  When we cut, Cindy came back over to me to wait to go again.

We did a lot of takes.  I stopped counting after five.  Zach seemed unhappy about something, though what exactly it was I had no idea.  Despite the fact I didn’t feel any wiser about my stripper knowledge, I did begin to feel more comfortable talking to Cindy and maintaining a conversation with her.

“How many takes are we going to do?” she asked after what seemed like the hundredth take.  I shrugged.

“Beats me,” I said.

“Aw, crap,” she said suddenly.  “My heel is coming apart again.  Can I use you to balance for a second?”

“Ah, sure,” I said.  She put one hand on my shoulder and adjusted her heel with the other.  After a few seconds she righted herself and suddenly was standing very close to me.  She didn’t seem to notice.

“I really need new shoes,” she said, studying them.  “But these ones are my favorite and they don’t make them anymore.”  She sighed and stepped absentmindedly towards me, her nipple grazing my arm.

I didn’t know if stepping away was rude or not, but it didn’t matter.  I was rooted to my spot.  Cindy, who was talking about some store that she got all her work outfits from, didn’t notice as I swayed as far as I could out of the line of fire, but it didn’t make a difference.  Any time Cindy gestured big enough, that nipple would get me.  I was suddenly very relieved that Caroline wasn’t in the room, that she was back by the trailers having a miserable time with the Bun ordering her around.  If she saw me, I would never hear the end of it.  Finally I couldn’t take it anymore and took a step backward.  Thankfully, the nipple didn’t follow me.

After Zach was finally satisfied, we moved onto the rest of the scene.  We didn’t need Cindy anymore, but we did use a few of the other strippers.  Though, they weren’t as featured as Cindy was and were used in the scene as topless waitresses instead.  They weren’t too happy about that.  At the end of the day, Cindy came up to me.  She was dressed in real clothes and I almost didn’t recognize her.

“Hey, thanks for being so nice,” she said.

“You’re welcome,” I answered.  As she left, Caroline approached me.

“You ready to go?  I am so ready for a long shower and a glass of wine,” she said.

“Yep,” I said.  Caroline reached her hand out in front of her and looked at me intently.  I sighed, dug into my pocket and gave her the car keys.

“Thanks,” she said.  As we were about to walk out of the parking lot, Josh ran up to us.

“Hey ladies, thanks for your help today,” he said.

“You’re welcome,” I replied.

“I’m sorry we didn’t get more time to talk, but if you ever want advice on how to break into the business, give me a call.”  He handed me his card.

“Okay, great.  Thanks,” I said.

“And if you need more help, let us know,” Caroline added.

“I will,” Josh said.  “Goodnight.”

We waved goodbye and walked out of the parking lot.

“So?” Caroline asked as we neared the car.  “How was your afternoon?”

“Oh, you know.  Got to second base with a stripper.  The usual,” I answered nonchalantly.

“What?” said Caroline incredulously.

I just smiled at her.  “I’ll tell you the story if you let me drive.”

We reached the car as Caroline contemplated this offer for a moment, then tossed me the keys.  “All right.  But it better be good.”


28
Sep 09

Chapter One: Coffee, Buns and Strippers (Part I)

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